I wrote this story when I was in the library trying to study, it didn't happen of course, I was just gazing at everything except my handouts, from the dead trees's branches outside to the couple who seemed to have a big argument. I guess that's how the story emerged, yes I wrote about break up although I had no idea how it felt like.
After we broke up :
My love,
It's a cold day, I was so lazy to leave my bed and yet I managed to get up, resisting my desire. Half asleep, messy hair, oversize pajamas.. If you were here, you would laugh and call me an ugly-pie as you used to do every morning.
I walked few steps away from bed, toward the window and took a look at the outside world.
It's the same view everyday; the big buildings, shinning from the top due to tiny sun rays that broke through the giant clouds above, some people on the streets, all dressed well, and some of them were holding handbags in a hand and Starbucks in the other hand. They made me crave bitter coffee too, like, maybe this numbness I was dealing with might leave after.
These few persons I was looking at were obviously heading their work, and that took me back to you again. Remember when you used to whine every winter morning, complaining about literally everything? Though I was there.
Now, I raised my head and gazed at the sky; quite cloudy and grey, a sign for snow, which required a hot drink.. that's when I forgot my coffee.
I got my cup and made a comfy space at the window's seat. I brought a book, too; Pride and Prejudice. The last time we were at a bookstore together, you got it for me though you knew I'd never find a chance to read it. I'm alone now, I can read it all at once.. Book and coffee, right that's all I need, but I couldn't stop looking outside.
Why is everything reminding me of you? The view, this cup, this book and this seat!! We used to stay here for hours just talking and cuddling, what happened now?? Why is my love not here beside me?? We spent so many seasons together, why can't we carry on in this winter, too and keep our hearts warm?
It's snowing now, for real, little snowflakes that are coming down slowly and carefully, like small pieces of cotton and soon this land will be covered in white. If you were here, we would run outside and play like kids, you would make a pretty snowman and I'd bully him.
It's just a silly fantasy, I better stop.
I look at the cup, it's empty and the book isn't opened yet. At least it's not a miserable love story, however the title is reminding me of us; pride and prejudice.
Especially pride.
Especially prejudice
Second day:
Yesterday, while watching the snow falling, I caught my eyes wetting, I cried my heart out until I no longer could shed any other tear and yet, I wanted to cry more. I kept thinking about you, how do you feel now? Is everything okay with you? I should hate you, but I'm worried instead, what a pity.
I felt like I was out of breath, so I decided that I needed fresh air, though it was so freezing outside. I didn't mind, my heart is already frozen. I don't want it to be broken because maybe someone's coming back to heat it up. Or maybe it's gonna melt down naturally.
Anyway, I was looking at the mirror, to put the scarf that was yours. I couldn't throw it away. If you're not here, then this scent of the scarf must replace you. In this moment, I realize I'd never be able to let you go, you had the strength to do that, but I'm only a mere, weak girl.
Fifteen minutes later, I was at that small cozy café. I was there because it has the scent of us, we used to come here, I even ordered your favorite drink since you made it my favorite, too. I gaze at the place and recall all our moments and memories here, our endless conversations, laughter and me staring happily at your eyes when you laugh because they close tightly, appearing so squishy and cute. You'd say that staring at you that way wasn't funny at all.
It feels like all these happened some minutes ago and suddenly you faded away, leaving me smiling tiredly to the images.
I couldn't handle it, I was pathetic and hated myself for being there, so I left.
I was outside just walking with no aim, step after step. I had no idea where I was heading. It could be that some force lead me to the park.
Some familiar person was there, that was your shadow. I was looking at you in disbelief. You didn't seem to be affected by what happened, you were so fine. At least one of us is happy, at least it's you.
You can't understand how I'm feeling now, I just wanted to run toward you, darling and hold you tightly and never let you go again. But I didn't.
