𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃, aleksander morozova 1

Chapter Thirty-One

IT HAS BEEN A WEEK SINCE THE AMPLIFIER WAS PUT ON MY WRIST. A week of utter misery and silence. I didn't get to see Genya, Marie, or Nadia, it was as if everyone in my life disappeared, leaving me alone with nothing but the aching of not using my power.

Aleksander had disappeared too, only I didn't mind his absence. I was angry with him after all, or maybe my anger went way further than that. I'd assumed that everything had been a lie from the beginning, but at some point and time since being left alone made me realize that maybe Baghra's warnings to me were beyond what I'd gotten out of them.

I started questioning everything he'd told me in the past, wondered if his ancestry was the cause for the fold, questioned Sankt Ilya and his text, and even questioned the love he bestowed to me in the past, was that real?

Was my power ever meant to be for me? He'd spoken of the amplifier being ours, but then he'd had Ivan weaken me to test my power at his wield and since then it felt as if my power was always on edge, ready to explode from my body at any given moment if I'd lost my temper.

✦✧

Another week passed in silence like the previous, only now had I started to long for someone's presence, more specifically Genya's because I knew if she was here, she'd be talking about multiple topics, like little and grand palace gossip, jewelry, and most likely David.

I hadn't even realized how much I missed her, going two weeks without her has started to take its toll and it wasn't just her, it was all of my friends. I yearned for Mal, wherever he was in the Ravka. I yearned for Marie and Nadia's complaints, and I hated to say it but I also yearned to see Aleksander. And yet, even though he'd been the reason for no one being able to see me, I couldn't help myself from wanting to see him.

I hadn't tried escaping, it was tempting but I would have nowhere to go. I stayed in the walls of the little palace more than left to go venture into the nearby markets. I had nothing and it was clear enough that the isolation was slowly starting to drive me mad.

✧✦

A few days later was when I saw him again, standing outside my bedroom window, peering up through the glass. I hoped he saw me, the way I looked. How bags started forming under my eyes, refusing to eat any of the food that he'd had the servants send. I hoped he felt guilt, but I also hoped he realized that this wasn't my fault. It was his.

I stared back, the sense of security taking me. He'd been looking up at me with longing eyes, almost like he'd been trying to reach out to me; wanting to touch me, to hold me close to his chest. But as soon as I'd seen it, it had disappeared and so did he, walking off into the distance and disappearing behind a column.

Tears bridged the corners of my eyes. I wanted to call out to him. Even if everything felt like a lie, I wanted to reach for him. To love him with everything in me. To belong to him.

I cried, the power flowing through my veins and exploding around me, sending light through the cracks of the windows and the crack of the door. I cried, the shadows creeping up the walls, flowing around me like they never have, like ink spilling off a table and falling to the ground.

I cried out of anger, letting the light and darkness consume me. I heard faint voices coming from the halls, outside my door. And then Aleksander was walking through the door, eyes straining from the light surrounding us and me. The door slammed shut behind him and then he was grasping my arms and pulling me to him.

He held me to his chest like he'd been wanting. And I let him, the light flooding the room, until in one call, dimmed away. But it wasn't me, it was him.

I cried into his chest, held him tighter than I'd ever held anyone and he just whispered inaudible words into my ear. A few minutes of silence fell over us, my cries shallowing and then I was pulling myself away from him. Guilt gripped me, for wanting him. To even think he was here because of me felt like a sin, but I couldn't do anything about it.

I stared up at him, waiting for him to start talking, "Maira." He said, reaching out for me. I pulled away though, shaking my head, "Do not come into this room and act as if nothing has happened." I suddenly regret snapping at him, but at the moment he only just stared, "I did not mean to hurt you." He said, looking away from me.

"But you did." I said, "you did, and locked me up." I said, my voice shaking, "do you know how much this isolation is killing me?" I asked.

"I feel like I'm going insane being in here." I mumbled, gripping my arms and digging my nails into my skin, "it's so cold, so lonely."

Aleksander looked back at me, then stepped closer again, only this time I didn't back away. "Good," He said, "I promised you, I'd leave you in the dark after all."

I looked back up at him, eyes filling with tears and confusion, "don't you have a heart?" I asked, "for me?"

He blinked down at me, a hand reaching up to wipe away a tear that was falling down my cheek, "yes." He said, "but I fear that you will run away from me when you see me for who I am."

And then as if lightning had struck, his clear image was as the black heretic, the shadow monster who created the fold and killed so many people. He was the demon that was under little children's beds as they slept at night, he was a story everyone feared.

Every word that had been said to me, about his past was the lies I'd unburied in the days being locked away, he was the demon I wanted to despise, but couldn't.

He held me, he'd taken my heart. And now he controlled my power, discovery after discovery displayed itself into a clear image. What had I gotten myself into?

My love for him blinded me, his pull. He'd had hundreds of years to play with little naive girls like me, but this time, maybe it was real.

I looked into his eyes for truth, and it was there, hidden behind the cracks of steal.

His flawless perfect skin, his mysterious mythical eyes, it was all I'd wanted. I shook my head then, waking myself and pulling away. He gripped my shoulders, "I will have you, Maira." He snarled, "willingly or not, you will be mine."

But he'd known my thoughts better than I could, he'd known my every move, every touch, every thought. I was an open book, and he'd read every inch of me. Taken every inch of me until he'd gotten what he'd wanted.

But was it enough? And would it ever be enough to please him? He'd once looked at me like I was the most beautiful artifact that he'd found, but now? I wasn't just some prized possession anyone could have. I was his, and his possession of me would only ever grow stronger over time, even if I refused him.

I wanted him, every day, every waking moment. I'd wanted him like he was the only match for my aching heart. But I also felt hatred, what will I do to refuse? Fear and love were in this and I couldn't tell which one I had more.

I shook, from head to toe as my body thrummed with power.

He left, without saying a word and I hadn't even noticed it until I was down on my knees again, crying into the polished floor.

Words Written:
1,392

Authors note:

I have no idea what I just wrote if I'm being honest. But I hope you like it regardless of any confusion lol ;)