One Heart | Friends to Lovers

Epilogue

I sit here all day and read. Something doesn't feel quite right. I wrap the blanket around me as I try to shake this weird feeling. I know what's coming but I don't want to address it. I hadn't felt this feeling since I was eighteen. My heart starts to beat erratically, it's a foreign yet familiar feeling. My breath starts to quicken. My chest feels empty but extremely heavy at the same time, my eyes start to water as I think of what I've done. I can't breathe, I gasp for breath as I grasp my chest. I double over as I struggle against myself. This is all caused by my brain and yet my brain can't seem to stop it. Tears free fall onto my lap as I splutter. I can't help but panic, my eyes widen as I feel the colour rush out of my face. 'Breathe!' I tell myself but I can't force my lungs to work, my shallow gasps do nothing for my lungs and I can't grab whatever I'm reaching for.

I hear the door open and quick footsteps rush across the room towards me. I can't bring myself to look up as I start to feel really dizzy.

"Please, breathe for me okay. Try follow my breathing. In," He pauses. "and out."

"In and out" I try my best to match my breaths but it's so difficult, my mind flashes back to that day and I start to gasp again.

"Hey hey hey." He says quickly. "Look at me." I can't face him.

"Look at me." He says again, more demand behind his voice. I claw at my throat as I struggle to win a war against myself but I somehow bring myself to force my eyes on him.

"Follow me, in and out." I don't break eye contact as I try again to breathe. Time stops and goes at the same time, I don't know how long it's been since I declared war on myself. My eyes dry out and they start to irritate me. My hands are shaking and clammy as he grasps onto them.

Air finds its way deep into my lungs and I almost cry in relief. My breath is still uneven but looking at him is helping me figure out how to win.

"How?" I stutter quietly. I don't break eye contact as I continue to try and calm my shaking body. The familiar touch calms me almost immediately, my whole body deflates. I fall forward onto the awaiting shoulder as I close my eyes tight, my mind still racing with images I wish I could un-see.

"I was about to get in the shower and I had a feeling." My twin says, his voice rumbles against my forehead. "They haven't been this bad in a while."

"I know." I breath out pulling my head up running my hands through my mangled hair, lying back into the couch.

"Damn it." His hand reaches out and runs it down my arm, making my eyes flutter shut, I'm exhausted.

"I knew it was coming. I've been feeling it all day." I say quietly my mind going dark, I feel myself slipping the exhaustion taking over my body.

"Me too." I hear him mutter.

"Don't worry," He adds. "I'll look after them." And with that my mind shuts down completely and I drift into the blackness.

***

"Mummy!" A small voice pulls me out of the dreamless slumber. A small smile grows on my face, my eyes remain closed.

"Kylie! Shh be quiet, come here. I told you not to wake her up." A voice comes from the door.

"Sorry Uncle A but I wanted to see Mummy." My six year old voice is hushed this time.

"Well Uncle C is about to arrive so-" A small scream erupts from my daughters mouth making me jump slightly.

"UNCLE C Yay! I love Uncle C!" She squeals as I hear her small feet run back towards the door.

I hear Aaron's laughter from the doorway. "You know, I know you're awake." My smile widens.

"How could I not be after that whole screaming fest?" My eyes flutter open as I push myself up off the couch.