Love is for FUCKING PUSSIES.

ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER....

My flesh was yearning to punch the ever-living shit out of Atsushi's stupid face as I could feel my hatred rising inside of me. Why on earth would Dazai send him if he had already promised to visit him himself?  Fucking stupid.

"Oh, so he sends you because of what? he felt to fucking lazy?" I say, clearly wishing Dazai would actually complete his promises and not leave me empty-handed like always. "I don't know Akutagawa. So I don't know why you are angry at me." Atsushi says. Dazai is always there for him; he ought to understand why I'm upset. But when I need him, it's like a chore to see me. The door suddenly opened, and there was Dazai, with his very charming self-apologizing. "So yeah! That's why I sent Atsushi before me; I had to pick up some yogurt for you! It's vanilla; I hope you like it!" He said that and pulled out a huge cardboard box filled with vitamin-infused vanilla yogurt.

This certainly clarifies why he was running late."Well, thank you. I appreciate you bringing me yogurt, I shall drink it." I said, reassuring Dazai of his worthy purchase, but he again looked like he didn't care about what I had to say.   I was again filled with rage over it, but I restrained myself.  "Anyway, enough of this nonsense; we have an issue we need to fix before it gets too big," Dazai said,  Atsushi gave me a quick glance as if he were seeking something, or perhaps he was attempting to interact with me; anyway, I don't care what he has to fucking say to me,   I jerk my head around to face him, giving him a disgusted look."What the fuck do you want? Stop fucking looking at me." I said,  Atsushi winced and averted his eyes as I spoke. He was obviously put in his place by that. Dazai groaned. I could feel his eyes on me, and it gave me the chills. I look back at Dazai.

"Anyways. The port mafia and we are being attacked by an unidentified force. They damage us whether they attack at the same time or on different days." Dazai outlined the potential causes of this. Maybe some sort of unreachable group? It might also be one of them.  Who knows. "How do we know one of your own isn't the issue?" I queried. Atsushi gave a loud gasp in response to my offensive remark, but am I really wrong? Naturally, the fuck not. I'm always right.  "Why on earth would you even suggest that? We are here to help you, not cause problems." Atsushi said, I rolled my eyes.  "Don't look at me with those pitying eyes. I'm fucking right, you know that. Your organization is constantly producing issues." I said.  Atsushi punched my shoulder, "SHUT UP. Do not speak ill of us just because we are FAR BETTER THAN YOU." He screamed, and I paid no attention to him; this seemed to annoy him more, though I sure wasn't going to let him get away with the punch he gave me." okay guys enough" Dazai said, his tone more stern than before.

I tensed up again since I detested when he yelled at me. In order to signal to Dazai that he was now prepared to listen, Atsushi turned to face him once more and grinned. Dazai added, "Well, aside from the information I've provided you, I also have another Big bit of detail," Dazai said as he pulled out a picture of who the perpetrator could be. I took it and looked through it for any details that might be familiar, but I couldn't find anything. The image showed an individual wearing all-black clothing with something covering his face; he or she appeared unconcerned about being photographed. I am clueless. Atsushi peaked over my shoulder, I could feel his hot breath along my neck and he was too focused to realize I was looking at him. I momentarily lost sight of how repulsive I felt toward him. I could see tiny flicks of hair emerging from his one main strand, and his hair appeared soft and smooth,  I also hadn't realized that he had one long black strand that seemed to come from the top of his head.

"Nope! I couldn't find anything I recognized." He said, and he then looked at me; he looked really surprised, and I had no idea why.  I turned to face Dazai and handed him the photo. Dazai took it and put it in his pocket once more. "Now, I think that's all the information I have for you; tomorrow, Atsushi will come fetch you for the mission, and I'll have you go all the info once more. Hope that is fine with you."He said, becoming sterner as he finished. I agreed and assured him that I would make an effort not to care about Atsushi's fucking hair. I nod and let him know that I will TRY my best not to give a fuck about Atsushi and his stupid fucking hair. Once more, Higuchi and I were alone. I took some yogurt out of a cardboard carton and began to drink it.

                                                                    ✸✸✸

"Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you."  I shouted, This is my fuck Atsushi wall; god, I fucking hate that bitch," as I repeatedly struck the wall. My knuckles began to ache. When I looked at them, I saw that I had overdone myself and that my knuckles were once more bleeding. I detested having nothing to do at home; my god, it made me angry. But, I was off duty for the day and had completed all of my tasks, so I was sent home even though I was obviously sick and Mori didn't want me to infect the others. I was also up to date on my missions at the time.  FUCK THIS. I slumped into my bed and gazed out the window at the water drops trickling down the glass. I had forgotten how pleasant it felt to be lazy; I enjoyed it when my shoulders weren't stiff like they usually were. It was all those awful hours without sleep that made my eyes feel heavy; nonetheless, I don't blame myself; I blame him.

Come on Akutagawa, you know that you enjoy this song. You have to be pulling my strings here.

I hate his fucking voice, and I hate the way his hair looks in the wind while I yell at his stupid fucking face. Why won't he leave me alone? Like, I don't understand, and it's fucking annoying. He was correct. It pains me to remember only the lyrics of the song, even though I don't remember the name. I fucking hate myself. I FUCKING HATE HIM, WHY WON'T THE THOUGHT OF HIM LEAVE ME ALONE, WHY CAN'T I SLEEP WITHOUT HIM BEING THE CENTER OF MY DREAMS. LEAVE ME ALONE ATSUSHI. FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF.

Akutagawa! Don't cover up your ears! You know damn well this song is your favorite.

I distinctly remember wanting to hear more of it because the beat of the music gave me shivers every time a portion of the chorus would appear. Nevertheless, I was definitely not going to tell Atsushi that I liked what he had pointed out because I fucking loathed him for it. oH aKuTaGAWa tHIS sONg iS sO yOU! Like fuck off bitch.Even when I don't care, Atsushi always has something to say about topics he likes. But the fact that I can't remember the song's title still bothers me. But I'm still captivated by the lyrics.

So give me just one more chance, one more glace
And I will make of you another believer. . .

I'm exhausted, but not because everything in life is an utter fuck up; rather, it's because I haven't slept for 48 fucking hours. Sleeping would be impossible due to work. But perhaps I should rest for a while. I allowed myself to relax and for my mind to stop racing with ideas. I can now go to sleep without Atsushi waking me up.

Hey! What are you thinking about? You've been silent for a while now.

Huh. Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't apologize Ryuu, You are okay.

What are we're we talking about?

Oh! ______________!!!

Huh? I can't hear you.

Why not? Ryuu!

I jolted out of sleep. What the hell was that dream? I took a glance at the time; I hadn't even slept for very long—just 20 minutes. I detest this; I don't have the ability to return to my job. I often wish I had someone to come home to, but on the other hand, dating was very difficult for me. It's not that I couldn't make an official approach; I just don't have the time to give it my all. Of course, I'm not really attracted to women, and even if I were, most of the ones I know are one of my sisters and two of my employees. Ichiy Higuchi is my least favorite employee out of all the women who work there. Even when I beg her to stop, she always follows me around. Yet, she continues returning, and god, it annoys the fuck out of me. I'm really bothered by it. Even after I struck her, she kept returning despite my repeated warnings for her to fuck off. Women will always be the group of individuals I comprehend the least.

Still, the men who I work with aren't people who I like, Chuuya is loud and he seems to drink like a 40-year-old divorced woman trying to live on. Kaji is a huge no, and almost everyone agrees, and one of them is dating my sister. So I am pretty much out of luck, but again I don't fucking care. Love is for fucking pussies and I will never understand why anyone falls in love, it's so pointless. I look back at the clock, not much time had passed, so I'll once again try to sleep after giving myself some time to recover from that disgusting fucking dream.