Vent Diary

24th of March 2023

I feel so numb. I keep relapsing (cutting). I'm addicted to it now. I wish I was never born. School is stressing me the fuck out. And I get overwhelmed when my friends text me. I ghost my friends a lot. Sometimes I even ghost my girlfriend. I'm a terrible boyfriend. OH. I found out that my aunt is transphobic. HOW FUN. Just like my dad. I've decided to stop seeing my dad because he's really horrible to me. He neglected me when I was very young. Then when he met my step mum, they started to abuse me. Of course I thought every parent did this. But then when my real mum said she doesn't hit children it made me rethink that. I still don't think of it as abuse. But mum says that it was, because I would visit and have bruises all over. Wow. My step brother constantly tells me to go kill myself, and the fact I've tried and had to go to hospital because I was tempted to try again is just sad. I've stopped taking my depression meds because it tastes awful and its really hard for me to take it. So I think that's probably making it worse too. I want to die. But I can't leave everyone. But at the same time I want to leave them because I hate hiw they treat me but they're honestly the best people in my life. They don't treat me bad but they don't respect my space. My parents are nice but never just let me lay down. It's always, "do the dishes" or "make me a cup of tea please". Like just GIVE ME SOME GOD DAMN SPACE. And I have a friend who tried to break me and my girlfriend up so that was fun. And she keeps touching me (like hugging me  nothing inappropriate) and I just don't want her too but its hard for me to tell people no. I'm supposed to be asleep rn but I can't sleep.