James POV:
Remus looks at me with wide eyes.
"W-What?"
I swallow thickly and my heart beats painfully in my chest.
"J-James, what're you talking about?" Remus stutters.
'Hating myself more and more with each thought'...
I blink rapidly.
I hadn't meant to actually tell him that....
"I-I...Remus..."
He takes a step toward me and I take a step back.
"James." Moony says, his voice is so soft, so broken that something in me snaps.
Tears spring to my eyes but I blink them away.
Shit shit shit.
"Um..." Fuck I can't breathe.
"James are you okay?" Remus raises his hands as if dealing with a wild animal.
Like I'm about to bolt.
Seems like a good idea to me.
Yeah...no.
"James!" Remus whisper-shouts after me as I run down the stairs.
I get to the common room before I trip over the carpet and land on all fours - my head narrowly missing the hard edge of the coffee table.
My breath is coming in gasps and my hand shakes violently as I raise it to my chest.
My heart hurts.
"Hey hey hey," Remus crouches down next to me but I barely even register that he's there.
"Breathe just breathe James."
Tears drop from my eyes and I'm still heaving for air.
"I-I c-can't." I choke.
"W-Whats happening to me?!" I manage to sob out.
"You're having a panic attack James and I need you to breath."
I shake my head desperately.
"No no no no I - I can't!"
Remus pulls me into his chest as I struggle to breathe.
He smells like chocolate.
"Breathe! James! Breathe!"
---
"What the hell was that?" Remus asks.
He's standing in front of me as I sit on the couch, his arms are crossed and he has a stern look on his face.
He's mad...at you.
I'm mad at me too.
"I...I don't know..." I mumble, wincing at how stupid I sound.
"That's never happened to me before."
It felt like I was dying.
"But what did you mean up in the dorm rooms?" Remus inquires quietly.
"I meant that - "
That I...hate myself.
What else could I have meant?
"Nothing," I meet his eyes and force a grin - one that's probably rather unconvincing, considering that my breath is still coming in gasps.
"I don't know why I said that - I meant nothing. It was nothing."
YOU ARE READING
I Can't Sleep
Fanfiction☆ "I know how you feel..." "Oof, I sure hope not Potter. This shit hurts..." ☆ "I promise it's not poisoned." "Well you're offering me some of your precious chocolate Lupin, you can't blame me for being skeptical." ☆ "Oh please, we haven't been frie...
