Begin to Be Free ♡

backstory ✩ #2

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"How's it going?"
Yoojung looked up from where he was sitting on the floor of the balcony flickering his lighter. The owner of the voice was comming from the warm lights in the living room where the party was still going on. Yoojung brought his knees up and rested his chin on top. “Who am I?”
Yoojung just wanted him to confirm that the guy was seeking out for yoojung, like he did for him.Please don’t stop looking at me, he thought, don’t leave me by myself.

The guy fished in his pocket for a pack of cigarettes and motioned to Yoojung’s lighter. “May I?”The cigarette was passed to Yoojung who took it in his fingers and inhaled in the same spot the guy’s mouth had been seconds before.“I’m Kyubin.”“I know.” He didn’t bother giving his own name, he didn’t want to be tied to anything.

“You graduated before us right?”Kyubin smiled. “You calling me old?” He teased.
"Isn’t the good thing about leaving home and school is that you get to decide to do whatever you want.” He cocked his head to the side furthest away from Yoojung so he could see him better. “There are no limitations, right?”Yoojung sighed softly, more an exhale really, and leaned his head back to the stars. “It’s not as easy as that.”There wasn’t really anyone before who seemed like they genuinely cared what he had to say. “Well you tell me, you’re the one with experience.”

Kyubin shrugged in response, “I’m not the best one to ask for advice. I’m just following the road already paved for me.”
“So you work in an office?”

“A big one,” he says with a nod.

“With lots of desks?”

“Too many to count.”

“Climbing the corporate ladder.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’m already starting to get blisters.” He turned his hands over to flash his palms in the dim light that managed to sneak through their peace from the outside world. The moon was a sliver in the sky, promising many things to come. Yoojung craned his neck to take a closer look.

"They don’t look that bad to me.” It was true, they looked like pianist's hands. Yoojung wanted to know what it was like to be held by them. He looked like he had a firm grip. “You’ve got a deep fate line.”

Kyubin inspected his hand, “Which one’s that?”
Yoojung leaned forwards and traced a featherlight touch down his palm. Kyubin’s breath ghosted his neck. “That one,” he murmured before moving back.
His hand met the harsh floor again. “But what about you? What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.”  “I want time to read, and take walks. I want to look out my window while the rain falls. I want a cat.” The cold was biting at his fingers and he felt them go numb but he didn’t want to stop being out here and break the spell. Good things don’t tend to happen to him so he takes whatever he can get and clutches it close.Kyubin grinned in response. “A cat?”

“What’s wrong with cats?” Yoojung shot back. “I guess you do look like a cat person.”“I can see you with a lizard,” he finally said.

Kyubin threw his head back and laughed, eyes closed and curls bouncing on his forehead. A shy smile crossed Yoojung’s face. “What?” He nudged Kyubin’s shoulder. “They can develop strong relationships, they’re perfectly good pets.”“I don’t think I’m fit to take care of any animals?”

“Not even yourself?”

“Barely. I don’t feel particularly human anymore.” The words sank into the night and Kyubin looked like saying them meant nothing at all. It was a truth he had come to accept. But Yoojung felt sorry for him, he couldn’t imagine not having a constant crashing of needs inside of him. He didn’t feel right, but he definitely felt real.

“I’d say maybe when you’re older but with your grey hairs I don’t think you have much time left.”“You’re mean.”, there was an undercurrent of teasing that pulled Yoojung closer and closer. “I’m not much older than you. If I’m dying you’re coming with me.” Yoojung wouldn’t mind that at all.

A cheer erupted from inside and they both snapped back to reality. Yoojung straightened up. “Don’t you wanna go back inside, with all the less mean people?” He asked hesitantly.

“I think I quite like it out here.”

Good. Yoojung flickered his lighter on again then let go. On, off, on off.

“What’s with the lighter?”
Yoojung shrugged in response, “Gives me something to focus on...”

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