(No, this isn't gonna follow the script much; mostly bc I can't remember the words properly. Also, we're gonna pretend Beej and YN gave Lydia "The Handbook Of The Recently Diseased" during the Samoa chapter
Anyway, enjoy!)
Suddenly the front door slammed open. I heard it first, and I stumbled as I got up to get downstairs.
Lydia followed close behind, Beej at the back, all of us sprinting to get down.
Lydia gasped when she saw.
The Deetzes were back.
"HELLO! Stripy Ghost Man? Weird Checkered Ghost Child?" I chuckled at Charles' nickname for us.
"I've come to pry my beloved daughter from both of your cold, dead hands." I wheezed. Delia screamed at the sound, obviously not seeing me for some reason.
"Delia, that was the wind." Charles shook his head.
"But what if it's Lydia? What if she's possesed? What if Lydia's in my head right now!"
"Delia, there's nothing in your brain." I burst into laughter, Beej placing a cold, clammy hand around my mouth to try and muffle the noise.
My hand is NOT clammy!
Beej?
I'M BACK BITCHES.
Yeah yeah. Wanna help me tell the story?
No.
Please?
Fine.
Let's speed this up. Charles went ahead and completed Delia, they chanted some weird spooky shit, some chubby dude came in, they started talking about me, oBvIoUsLy, and then chubby guy brought out some weird box thingy.
The SoUlBoX. SpOoKy.
I know right!
"Dad came back for me? God, why can't he just leave me alone?"
"I know right? What a jerk." Seriously Beej?
"Ehh, I don't know, seems like he cares 'bout you, Lyds." Seriously YN?
"If he did, we wouldn't be in this situation." Lyds retaliated.
"Fair enough." I said.
"Well, I'm not going with them! I'm getting my mom back!"
"Hey! I'm on your side, and always will be. Scouts Honor. But that book's got some dangerous stuff in it. Lemme point you to the right page."
"Ooh! What's inside?"
"I don't know! I had it open a second ago but the Maitlands slammed it shut."
"Whaaat?" Beej said, obviously faking concern. "Oh my god. Ugh. Classic Maitlands-"
"You done, princess?" I commented.
"Y'know what? The Maitlands are the real villains of this show."
"Beej, you're the villain of this show."
"What show?" Lydia asked.
"NEVERMIND." The two of us said together.
"So your dad wants to suck me and n/n into this fancy ass box"-
Can we speed this up? Like skip to the exorcism bit!
Why?
Isn't it obvious? The author is tired of writing.
(I am, thank you Beej)
You're most welcome, babes.
(It's Chee)
Still calling you babe.
(I can remove you from the story in a second)
Beej, stop flirting with the author.
Fiiiine.
(Thank you Y/N)
No problem hunny.
(Anyway, GIANT timeskip, AFTER the exorcism bit)
Whyyyy?
(Bc you called me babes. ANYWAY, Beej tried to exorcise Barbara through Lydia, then told Lydia to marry him)
Kinda messed up, ik.
It's a green-card thing! Also, remember, to come to life, I gotta marry an alive person.
Yeah...
K̵̢̖͚̣̮̥͔͙͈͉̙̠̬͎̮̪͆͜ḭ̶̛̠̘͔͊͌̋̎̔͋̏̍̀͑͛̂̑̾͂͛̄̈͑̔̾̿̕̕ͅn̷̢̛̻̲̐̑͌̆͒̿̾̓͛̏̍̌̑́͘͠d̵̠̰͕͍̣̲̠̯̳͎̟̥̼͙̝̗̒͐̿ͅā̵̧̧̩̗̣͖͚̘̱͔͖͔̄͒̅̇̾̈̕ͅͅ ̵̧̨̧̡̟̻̠̥͔̥̰̗̫̼̼͕̭͍̙̙̮͚͓̈́̑̅̆̇́͒̈̓͛̔̔́̌͗͝w̵̨̛͓͇̲̱̘̤̩͙͕͔̥̖̹̖̜͍̣̙̍̑̌̾́͐̽̎͂̓́̊̍̾͐̀͌͘̚͜͝͠ĭ̶̡̢̤̖̗̪̞͍̯̳̯͙͍̟̜̟̥̩̟̺͔̞̈́̏͜͝ͅͅṣ̶̨̧̢̢̛̼̙͈̯̫͔̜̠̹̥̠̩̦̿̇̃͛̈́͌̊̑̉̏̓̇͊̀̈́̇́̃͗̒͘͝͝h̷̼̞͕̼̯̦͎͉̦̑͋̋́̂̍́͐̍̀̄͗̂͂͜ ̴̛̲̺͎̣͖̬̄́͂͒͂̒͌̔̊͐̉͛͛̄͛̈́̚͝͝y̸̢̢̡̛̛͉͕̝̺̝̩̟͖͎̭̠͈͇̗͕̥̼̙͓̅̆͆̒͛͋̂͛͑̆͌̾̓̊͘ớ̵̧̧͍̭̖̤̠͙̣͈̗̥͙̩̲̣̝͙̫̘̭̭̦͍̓̋͆͒͆̋̂̓̓̈́͘͜ǔ̸̡̢̯̫͍̯̪͍̬̠͕̥̼̣̩̤̮͎̎̀̍̋̀̈́̈́̈́̅̈́̈́̆̒̚͝͠͝ͅ ̶̛̛̘̝̱̯̝̥̃̈̔̈́͋͛̃̂͋̾̿͘̕d̷̡̲̥̠̻̻͎͉͓͔͚̝̦͑̂͌̏̄̓̄͋͗́͋̀̂̏͗̋̏̀̒͛̊́̍͆͜͝͠ȍ̶̧͓͙̝̳͈̗̫̞͍͚̣̙̥̰̝͇͕̻͓̩̃͐͆͗͋̈́́̊͆͋̔̾͜͝n̵̡̢̘̗̺̠̹̫̦͈̫͍̲̳̿̇̈́͂͌̊̋͒̌̋͜͝'̵̳̤̅̈͛̓̂̄̃͑̐̐͗̅̀̅̓̇̐͒͂͂͘̕͝ͅṭ̸̡̡̛̲̼̥̯̬̣̭̙̭̔̂̑̄̈̊͜ ̷̢͉͔͍͉̖͑͒͑͒͛̒̿̄t̷̡̛̜͇̟̹̙̗͖̞͕͇̝̲͍̘̂͛̐̇͌̈́̑͋̈́̃͋͐̀̐́͐̿̓͛́̽̔͊h̴̛̺̺͚͇͒̅͐͆͌͋͋̄͂̆̽́̓̆̈́̚̚̚͝͝͠͠ͅơ̸̧̹͔̜͖͔͇̟̖̺̝͇̣̞̭͎͙̰̙̗͔̰̙̑͒̍̋̔͐͋͆͐͑̃̉̊̈́͗̒̿̄̒̕̕̕͜ͅ.̶̡̢̧̻̣̘̭̲̩͕͉͓̏̓̋̔̌́̑̀̒͒͌͐̿̈́́͂̾̾̉͜ͅ
What does that say?
Nothing!
(Well, hope you enjoyed that. YES, I can converse with the characters if I wanna.
I mean, I'M the author, so I guess that allows me to talk to them.
Stay happy, my patties!)
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