Cabin Fever (BXB)

Fresh Air Does Not Clear My Head

It's not night. It's 2:30 in the afternoon, and the sun hasn't even budged from it spot in the blue, cloud-scattered sky. It's scalding warm and I don't know this town and I find myself lost against the swath of budding flowers and greenery and houses old enough to be my grandmother. Big enough that they could swallow at least 4 carloads of people. Their front yards are pops of color and leaves and lawns that stretch for eons. It's all so pretty and isolating.

I hide in a bush. My head pounds to the beat of my heart, and my eyes ache. I take a moment to collect myself before the mortification can set in, wondering how stupid I have to freaking be to burn so many bridges in one go. Angry that I said all those things to Simon. More disappointed than angry that I swore. How ungrateful I have to be to not suck it up when the world is on standby, being attacked by freaking murder hornets, and people are sick and dying.

Simon tries to call me a couple times. A few unknown numbers do, as well, but I don't pick up.

The air starts cooling, and I go back to walking the sidewalks, keeping my distance from everyone. Crossing the empty streets if I have to.

Marie is busy. Fran doesn't pick up the phone. Michael picks up and says he'll call me back before hanging up. Oscar rings and rings and rings before the call drops out. I call him again. It rings and rings and rings for a solid 2 minutes. until he finally picks up. "What."

"Hey, can we talk?"

"No, but I know if I hang up now, you're going to call me again. So what, Micah?"

His tone is unforgiving, and it twists my guts until I feel sick. "I just, wanted to talk. We haven't talked in a while."

"I. Know."

I swallow. "Did I do something?"

Oscar scoffs. "God. Knew this would come someday. Was hoping you'd be stupid enough to not notice it."

"What?"

"Bro, I didn't re-add you to the group chat. Take a guess why. I am not your friend. You were dating Marie, and I was friends with her. You were my friend by proxy, not by choice."

"That's not true."

"I don't like you, Micah. You're annoying and needy and so positively upbeat – " He mocks it at me, making me nasally and whiny-sounding. " – and I seriously hate you."

"That's not true, Oscar."

"God, I should've just fucking texted you. I knew you'd do this."

"What?"

"Oh my God. This. Why do you think I haven't messaged you back in the group chat?"

"You said you were busy with school!"

"Why do you think I didn't add you when I got a new number? Should've fucking blocked you when I got it. Stupid of me to think that Marie wouldn't give it to you when she knows."

I feel cold. "Oscar, I-I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry. Y-you're my friend."

"You can't apologize for being you. I don't like you. Don't call me again." He hangs up.

I try messaging him, but they don't go through. I try calling him – to apologize, to ask what I could do to fix things. I don't know. The line rings once before telling me the number is unreachable. More text messages, except none of them go through. I cover my face. I'm too tired to cry but I feel like I could do it again.

I call Marie 4 times before she picks up. "Micah, now's really not – "

"Why didn't you tell me Oscar hates me?"