After the attack with the walkers I removed my hatchet once Lizzie and Mica were out of sight. Carol and I looked at each other and together we started to lift the body and move it away from the house, at least to a bush somewhere decently away.
Lizzie's glare at me was still burned into me and I wanted to tell Carol but knew she wouldn't believe me, and Ty wouldn't either. I had no proof of how she looked at me but I knew what my gut was telling me and it wasn't good. After we moved the bodies Carol was heading back but I stayed where I was, thinking she wouldn't even notice but after a few seconds she stopped and turned to look at me confused
"What?" she asked, sounding on edge
"I'm gonna try to find that deer before dark" I stated simply, but my voice sounded different. On edge, showing there was something else and she caught this
"You sure?....it's gonna be dark soon" she said and I nodded knowing this small fact and she nodded "Okay just....be back before dark?" she asked and I nodded back before turning to leave
"I'll knock twice" I explained just in case someone or something came to the house she would be able to know if it was me. I turned to leave and see if I could follow the trail of the deer from earlier but heard Carol call out to me again and I turned to face her
"Are you going to tell Tyreese?" she asked me. I could see she was on edge about my answer
"I think he should know," I said simply as I looked at her. "I just don't know who he should hear it from" I said, seeing her eyes tear up at me and I turned to follow the trail. After searching for a good long while I followed the trail, deep into the woods, my bow in my hand and an arrow already set into the cord.
I followed the trail while listening and looking around. It was complete silence and I hated it. I didn't have the constant chatter surrounding me, with cell doors closing in different cell blocks, and shuffling of tired people just moving to do their own routines. I even missed working on the fence, it reminded me that I had others there to watch my back even if we faced an unholy amount of walkers.
The trail started to go cold it felt like, as the sky got darker and darker. I was about to head back when I spotted something in the distance. I moved forward and saw the deer's head spring up from the ground, looking around for the danger. I squared up my shoulders and pulled the cord back, waiting for the perfect shot but stopped myself from letting the cord go.
I was remembering the deer Daryl was hunting and a walker had gotten so he lost the whole thing. I remember how he was kicking the walker body, when it didn't matter, how he snapped at Dale for commenting on it. Tears flooded my eyes as I looked at the animal.
I released the arrow but watched as it just whizzed by, just above the back of the deer. Startled by the noise it just turned and ran off, deeper into the woods, lost for another day. I let my head fall down and my eyes fill with tears and this time I couldn't stop the sobbs that came from my throat.
The idea of everyone being dead, flashed into my head, wondering if they were all walkers now or just dead. My legs got weak and I just fell to my knees, holding myself and sobbing. Maybe if I went with Rick that day or Maggie then I would have known where he was, or where everyone else was.
Maybe they all got away on the bus, and were just camping out somewhere else. I don't think it was losing them that hurt so much, but not knowing. I knew my family was gone, and I can't change that, but I can deal with it...but losing a second family, and having no clue hurt me worse. There were too many 'if's' and 'what's' to the idea.
I reached down and into my pocket and found the knife that Daryl 'loaned' me and it made me smile a little. He wouldn't want me to be worried or crying over this... he would be telling me to get up and push forward, and if I didn't then he would push me forward himself. Lifting my head I looked up at the sky and with a heavy shaky breath, I pushed myself to my feet and used the light to show me the way back.
