self discovery 101

lesson seven: overstimulation is exhausting

After doing the DNA kit last night and then spending a couple of hours looking at what teenagers would wear to things such as homecoming, Anya's come to an uncomfortable conclusion.

These outfits seem to show a lot of skin. And she could get away with a suit - it's widely accepted for girls to do that and she dresses in a masculine way most of the time anyway - there's something exciting to her about wearing a dress. But dresses for the most part are revealing and all Anya's been able to think about is the fact that a sleeveless dress would show off the scar on her bicep and she doesn't know how to explain that one.

Her friends only know about the fact that her moms are superheroes. She's not a superhero, she's barely good with her history. And she really doesn't want to explain that she's a Black Widow. It feels almost like fear-mongering.

And it also sucks that she has other scars. Less visible, sure, but they're still there and she finds them every night when she showers. Her fingers will run over the brand on her hip when she pulls on her underwear and then her pants, her t-shirts slide over the scar on her bicep and her bra sits on the scar on her back that she doesn't even remember getting.

The scars between her thighs sometimes chafe when her pants don't fit her correctly, and if she doesn't put her watch on, Anya can see the the thin white scar from her handler when she wasn't complying with him. She thinks that it must've been when the control started to fade and she got her consciousness back before it was ripped from her again, but she tries not to think about it.

It's been on her mind all day between conversations with her friend group about the mall that they're going to and Kamala confirming that she can go to homecoming so long as she's home by nine, and Anya also manages to confirm to Zoe that she'll be going, much to the blonde's delight.

She also gets a second invitation for the party after homecoming, but Anya's still on the fence about it. It's a problem for later, though, because she's currently meeting up with Nakia and Kamala and Bruno.

She's still kind of exhausted from gym (they're learning volleyball and her forearms burn still), but she's excited to do something so insanely normal.

When she gets outside, the three of them are already together and with Aamir, Kamala's brother, and who Anya assumes to be bringing them to the mall.

"You're the new one!" are Aamir's first words to her.

He looks amused as Anya nods awkwardly. What is she supposed to say to that?

"She has a name, emo," Kamala retorts, "This is Anya."

"Nice to meet you, Anya," Aamir replies, pleased with himself before looking at all of them, "Who's sitting shotgun?"

Bruno ends up claiming the front seat while Nakia, Kamala, and Anya sit in the backseat with Anya in the middle.

Anya's glad that it's getting colder out and that today she's wearing a long sleeve shirt (this one's a hand-me-down t-shirt from Kate that she didn't get to wear much before growing out of it and from the reputation Stadium tour. Anya loves it). Being that she's wearing the long sleeve shirt, she doesn't have to worry much about her sleeve accidentally riding up and revealing the scar that's been looming on her mind all day.

She wishes halfheartedly that she had some kind of makeup to cover it up. Maybe she can go to a beauty store today and ask about that when the focus isn't on her and she can get a moment alone.

"Where should we go for lunch?" Nakia asks, "Food court?"

"I snacked my entire way through English, I don't have an appetite right now," Kamala replies, "Can we go to the comic store first, though? They have a shirt there that I want."