How Do I Live

Love (1)

Note: This book may follow religious themes, however the overall book is not a religious one.

Also I'm gonna start putting song recs !

**NOT PROOFREAD**

Edits made: June 12, 11:46 PM
——————

March 29, 2023 11:20 PM [START]

What Is Love?

People often see love as something that you just fall into, something magical, and otherworldly. And because of this Love isn't a concept that people choose to study or think about— Because it is easier to simply accept its there. But I've found that only by learning about these things can we truly gain them.

So let's begin, what is love? Well, according to Fromm's The Art of Loving and Hayao Miyazakis similar theory of Love, Love is a relationship in which two people grow and nurture each other. We see this in many of Miyazakis films— For example his 1999 film Whisper of The Heart which follows the story of young Shizuku. She ends up falling in love with her classmate Seiji, who is a passionate young luthier. Seiji's own ambition teach Shizuku to chase her dreams of becoming a writer.

To be in Love means to have your own feelings contribute to the growth of another, and developing yourself along the way. We see this similarly biblically. In a biblical sense, the union of marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and the Church. The Church serves and follows Christ. Meanwhile Christ loved and died for the Church. The two grow off of each other— The people living by the Word of God, and Christ's message being spread by the church.

In love you will undeniably hurt them. And they will hurt you.
You'll only naturally hurt each other. But I believe this exchange is the very pinnacle of existence. To have a blooming spring means accepting the risk of winter.

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." -Robert A. Heinlein , Stranger in a Stranger Land

——

What Makes Love Magical?

However, not all love is the same. You may have heard people say "The Heart isn't Heart Shaped". Scientifically, we know that the human heart is not shaped like those doodles we draw everywhere. However this quote also refers to how people Love.

No one receives and accepts Love the same way another person will. This relates to how we're raised, our interests, and personalities— and because of this everyone has different perceptions of how love is given or received. We don't all Love the same way. So when you Love someone, you'll love that person in a way you don't love other people. And the other person will receive and interpret this Love in a way other people will not.

It is this that makes love feel so magical. It's why we have no solid description of what love is, only what love should be.

This is also why love poetry is such a big thing. It's hard to describe a sensation unique as that So we often use figurative language to convey our feelings— Because of this love poetry has become a core part of general literature.

"I think of you and dream about you in colors that do not exist" -JS Parker

"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever." -Alfred Tennyson
——
Standards in Love

People usually always have at least some standards or criteria for what they want their lover to be. And I'm not blaming anyone for that because I do too- But this also goes back to my last point. It's things like personalities and interests that form the way we love. Part of my love language is writing love letters because I love classic literature. So naturally part of my standards are someone who is well read and likes literature. Because of things like this, we're more attracted to people that fit our standards, and why we have different standards. Simply because to us, some people are easier to love than others.

This comes back to the idea of how we all define love as something different. Love is a unique feeling without one sole definite meaning.
We as people build our own vision of what love looks like based off of our own experiences . For example, I grew up with verbally affectionate parents. They often told me verbally they loved me, and to me it became too often. The words "I love you" carry less weight, so my love language is gift giving and quality time. Meanwhile someone who grew up with less verbal affection might have Words of Affirmation as their love language.

We can interpret the feeling of True Love as when someone finds the best fit to their form of affection. Everyone loves everyone differently, but I think true love is the feeling when you find the person that you feel best suits your affection and personality.

"You may not have been my first love, but you were the love that made all the other loves irrelevant" -Rupi Kaur

——
**many of my points can be found in Fromms The Art of Loving and oliSUNvias video essay on love (youtube)**

Passive or Active?

We often think that love is a Passive force. We just fall into it, or it just comes along to us. However, Love is more of an Active force. Love is an art that should be practiced.

As a Gen Z teenager, I've been hit with this itching feeling far too often that I have to be pretty to be loved. I'm not skinny enough to be loved.
And i'm sure it's felt like this for so many others. The people that "pull" at school or on social media always seem like the prettier ones. And we also see these post breakup glow ups and what not. However- if we see love as a passive force that you just "fall into", all we're doing as lovers is making ourselves more attractive to appeal to a social market. We want to make ourselves prettier, smarter, or more talented in order for people to see us and love us.

If we see love as an active force, something that is learned and practiced, the best thing we can do as lovers is teaching ourselves how to better love. Even if we see all these attractive people having so many admirers, it's the people that get loving gestures from their partners that people are the most jealous of.
Under a sweet couples post of one of them doing a large gesture we see comments like "Having a sleepover of the highway" "looking for the toaster rn"
And I get it, they're funny, but only because they are true to some degree. I'm sure you can agree when I say even though it may feel like it, people would much rather have someone to DO loving gestures for them than have an attractive partner.
So if we want to become loved we need to practice and learn Love.

Personally what I've done is doing the cute gestures I feel jealous for the people I love. How could you expect to receive things like that when you're not willing to do them yourself?

Write those love letters to your friends, make that paper bouquet for your teacher, buy a plant for your mom. To be loved you need to practice loving.

"Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye" -The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

——

Why does Gift-Giving Feel So Nice?

   To many people, including myself, Gift Giving is a well used love language. Giving someone flowers, presents, or just kind words feels great. But why? Many people would say because it feels nice seeing their happiness. And yes, that's it!

Giving is a core part of the human existence.

   The rich man can keep all his money to himself, buy the biggest houses and flashiest cars. But all the halls and cars devoid of companionship. See the best way to spend wealth, whether it's wealth in time, money, talent, or knowledge, is to share it! When we share things, it is a declaration of your wealth and simply proves your existence and ability to love.

——

Questions for the Audience !!

Why do we love people who mistreat us?

Why do we create art?

Why is love Painful?

Any suggested prompts?

Why do we love?

——

Thanks for reading !!

March 20, 2023 12:18 AM [END]