me dying on the fucking inside

"

I remember when it was just me and her against everything, I remember when we were so close and we talked 24/7 about anything and everything

I remember when there wasn't anyone, ANYONE else in the way

It really just went down when she found out she was neighbours with one of our classmates and they grew close, I was fine with that but deep deep deep down I knew I wasn't and was outrageously jealous of her

I didn't want anyone stealing my best friend away from me, I already had one stolen away from me anyways and I felt so fucking empty .

I had another best friend and were really really close, she's amazing I love her very much but she was never there half of the time, she went away a lot to focus more on her studies and never chatted for months, weeks or days it really sucked.

When she (Dhanna) left, I felt that emptiness again, and I tried filling it by talking with Zachary and I told him about it, he didn't really help and he told me he could feel the pain in my voice but said nothing else and went away

It really hurt me, I didn't have any other friends other than him in the class, he's the only one I actually genuinely like having conversations with and I don't have to fake a goddamn laugh every fucking time.

I can talk to him about anything and he'd either not care or give a really fuckin funny answer

And then Valentine's Day came

I got a small treat from her

I cried because she still cared about me

I gave her something back, a lollipop I was saving for myself

Ok I'm done, I know that wasn't necessarily a lot and I ddint even end on a good sentence or something so yea this was dumb, it's like almost 1am so yeah