Reluctant Souls

Life! The Big Stuff

Life!

The Big Stuff.

-30

After life breaks us, routines become easier, understood, manageable. You pick up a tragedy and put it here, and happiness over there. Death-there's a place for it too. Life's events become a process, things that must be done. They happen over and over again: A little joy, a little heartache. Music isn't as sweet. Glances are meaningless. A flick of the hair, crossing of legs; the act isn't important. But the result, the outcome, the sum of the equation-dry, pointless, over-analyzed, and thoroughly known.

One afternoon, Dallas heard an old song on the radio, Only You by the band Yazoo, and his thoughts went to Gabi. As a matter of fact, whenever he heard a love song, his thoughts went to her.

I have to send her this song.

Within some, no matter how deep the emotion is buried - under endless layers - all the years, the fear, the pain, hope grows. Like a seed so deep in the earth - no light - no water - nothing - but it won't be denied. Beyond all explanation, it sprouted.

And two years after Dallas was broken, the father, the husband, reached-out to Gabi.

He put together a package with music and a letter. He sent it to her work. Then, he called her.

After a fumbled greeting on his part, and an equally fumbled response on her part, she said, "I know why you didn't come to São Paulo."

Dallas took a deep breath, wanting to tell Gabi everything, but he didn't. Not even he understood why he didn't go to São Paulo. He just sat there and listened, unsure what to say or think.

"My husband kept telling me you were using me," she said.

"That's not it," said Dallas.

"I know it's not true. You're married and have a child. You said you wouldn't leave. I thought about killing myself," she said.

"Oh God."

Gabi giggled and then sighed.

"And the sex with your wife," she said.

"Stop."

"Don't give me that. I know sex with her is good."

"Oh no." Dallas covered his face.

"Don't lie to me," she said.

"Did you receive my package?" asked Dallas.

"Yes. I think I have to throw everything away."

Dallas sighed.

"Gabi, listen," he said.

"Go ahead..."

"I love you." he said.

There was a long pause.

"Yeah, I love you too."

"Okay?"

"Yes. Okay."

"Bye, Dallas," she said.

"Bye, Gabi."

Dallas waited for Gabi to hang up. She did.

Dallas's gaze went out the apartment window, the high rises, the tops of trees.

~    ~    ~

Gabi, played the CD that Dallas sent her. She listened to the first song, Only You...