engl. - BEING WITH HIM; kookv

TWENTY-FIVE

Jeongguk

We heard Hoseok coming back home as we slept with each other for the second time that night. I had no words to describe how unbelievably good I felt — how happy I was. Taehyung felt the same, I knew that. We'd talked for a long time that night. Kissed and glutted each other with little acts of affection. Taehyung told me that he had a new job and didn't think about wanting to die that night here. I told him I liked him so much. He'd kissed me and said he wanted to stay here with me for forever. I was addicted to his lips and he let me softly caress his bruises. Sehun just was a little harsh, he said. He again pressed my hand harder against the bruised parts of his skin and I again removed my hand. I told him he was beautiful and not one second did I think we were rushing anything.

It was more like this was long overdue. The atmosphere between us had been attracting at Kai's party already and I was glad that Taehyung liked me back. I'd been afraid that he wouldn't be interested in me in that way. Not anymore and I knew that this wasn't the same as what the black haired had with Sehun. This was so much more. »Are you all right?«, I asked him quietly as he had been acting a little more distant for a while, only looking at me, hardly focusing. He looked to the side and nodded. »I don't know.« His voice was hardly more than a whisper. He swallowed. »What don't you know?«, I asked him, worried. I sat up and he dug his head in my lap. »Nothing has ever been this good.«, he then said and closed his eyes. I was still watching him and combed a strand of his hair out of his face. »What do you mean?« I felt stupid for asking him so many things, but since he always struggled with finding the right words, Taehyung expressed himself a little vaguely, most of the time. 

»Being with you.« I pulled him onto my lap and he kissed me, fiercely at first, then cautiously — almost reluctantly. »I never want to be anywhere else, Jeongguk. Ever.« His eyes were glassy and he blinked free a single tear, looking at me. I kissed him softly, slowly. Hard, as his words had sunken in. I had no idea about what this, here, was and what we said, but it was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. »Just stay with me.«, I said as I parted. I've never met a person with such overwhelming feelings. It was almost like I could feel everything going on inside Taehyung. I felt affection, attachment and sadness. Perplexity. Insecurity. »Yeah?«, it came from the younger, silently, and he watched his fingers messing with the tips of my hair. I smiled, soppily — he could be so shy. Taehyung adjusted himself to everyone he spent time with. »Fuck, of course.«, I laughed and caressed his cheek with my thumb right before kissing him.

His new job was serving as a waiter at a fast food place and I picked him up every day. Dropping him off at his own flat today and not going inside with him was near torture. We often were at my place, but mostly at Taehyung's. But I didn't stay with him for today, both of us had plans. I was going out with the boys and Tae would go to the cinema with Baekhyun — or they'd stay at home getting high out their minds. I adapted to the constant use of drugs pretty quickly — Taehyung smoked weed everyday and I took a couple drags too most of the time. It no longer was a different life that I wasn't familiar with — I was right in the middle of it and I had everything under control. Taehyung didn't. I quickly learned that he overreached himself often — mostly intentional.

Maybe I had gotten used to everything too much as I noticed me doing exactly what Baekhyun had told me about at the beginning. I thinned out Taehyung's lines and held him when he couldn't handle himself anymore. And everything I could give was being with him. That was everything he needed. Baekyhun hadn't seen him this happy for a long time. I got along quite well with the brown haired — we all did. He came to poker nights at our flat and everything was so ordinary that it almost scared me. I didn't live two separate lives and the boys knew how I suffered from how Taehyung was. He didn't show it that often but I knew that it wasn't easy for him sometimes. It was the life of all of us and it wasn't perfect by far — but we all looked for ways of getting by.