BOOK ONE S1-S3
In this new world, you have to make difficult choices. Fight for survival or succumb to circumstance. Close yourself off or give into your desires. Start over or give up. A split second decision can change your entire life. Will she f...
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Grief has become a new friend of mine. She is always following me, both hands on my shoulders, weighing me down. She is constantly pushing me under the water and holding me there. The waves were slapping just above my head. Grief doesn't give you the option to pull yourself out. She forces you to make room for her.
Losing Evelyn is what introduced me to my new friend. Some days, I can still feel her standing next to me. I often find myself turning to talk to her, only to realize she isn't really there. She was my Savior. When Matt found out I was pregnant with her, he was not happy with me. Having her inside me kept him from using me as his personal punching bag. He didn't want to be the one to cause her death; he was constantly telling me if she died, it would be my fault. It turns out he was right. If I hadn't stepped away that night, if I hadn't been selfish, she would still be here. Maybe she could have lived just a little longer.
The day she passed away was the worst day of my life. I didn't know what to do after I laid her down for the last time; I was drowning. I never would have expected a man who hadn't spoken a word to me to be the first one to comfort me. He was the first person to ever make me feel safe. Before him, I was always on edge. I flinched away from everyone. I had nightmares while Matt lay next to me in a drunken stupor. I tiptoed around everything and everyone in my life. Now when I think about him, I feel a wave of drisson run throughout my body. No matter what I did, Daryl Dixon had sunk his teeth in, and I knew I wasn't going to shake him off anytime soon.
I sat up against a tree, feeling the dirt under my fingertips. I watched as my tears hit the ground, making little clumps of mud on the ground. I have been sitting here since Daryl stormed away from me in the stables. I was just across from the front porch when I watched Shane walk up the trail with the collection of our guns.
"Time to grow up." He spoke in an authoritative tone, passing a shotgun to Daryl. He started asking if people had their guns on them.
"Look, it was one thing to sit around and pick daisies when we thought we were safe. But now we know we ain't." He passed another shotgun to Glenn. He was explaining to us that Herschel no longer had a choice.
"Oh shit." T-Dog sounded scared for the first time in days. We watched as Rick and Herschel stepped out of the woods with two walkers on grappling poles. The group took off running towards the pair. They were wrestling to get them to the barn, and all the while Shane was screaming behind them.
"Hey, Herschel. Let me ask you one thing. Could a human being walk away from this?" He fired three shots into the walker that the old man had a hold of. I brought my hand up to my mouth, and Herschel looked broken. Shane fired two more rounds.
"That's the heart and lungs. Why is she still comin'?" He fired three more rounds. My heart was beating out of my chest as I watched the scene unfold before me. Rick screamed at Shane that he had done enough.
"Yeah, you're right, man." He walked up and shot one last bullet into her skull. Her body curled backward, and she hit the ground. The next few moments turned into a scene from a horror movie.
