VIOLET (A Harry Potter Universe Fanfiction)

15.

Marlowe was going to do it this time. He really was. The summer was almost over, he'd been thinking about this for months, and in the last week or so, Caiti had started to seem so discouraged again. Every time he'd seen her, she'd complained that she was out of ideas and each time she said it, she seemed seconds away from crying.

Just as he had last month, he had prepared something to catch the venom, set it out in the little shed, and just as he had last month he had spent every minute since positively dreading what was coming. But this time he wasn't going to chicken out.

Caiti arrived to bring him his potion at a quarter to seven and she looked exhausted. Sometimes Marlowe selfishly wished she still only made the wolfsbane potion for him, because there was no one else he liked being around as much when he was feeling miserable, but he knew that wasn't fair of him to think that way. He was very privileged never to have experienced a full moon without the potion. Caiti was doing something really big and he was proud of her.

Still, he was glad to see her, even if only for a few minutes. He drank his potion first thing, a glass of water second, and then he hugged Caiti tight, just because he felt like it. She looped her arms around his waist, cheek pressed against his sternum. He felt instantly better.

"Can you stay over tonight?" he asked.

She pulled back a little and frowned at him.

"So you're here in the morning," he explained. "I like when you're here in the morning."

"Okay," said Caiti, still apparently puzzled.

—-

While what he had told Caiti was true, and mostly he did just want her there so that when he woke up and headed back inside to his bedroom, she would already be there, there was another reason Marlowe wanted Caiti to stay.

For some reason, he felt like if she were nearby, if he knew she was nearby, he would be less likely to talk himself out of doing this.

He was in the shed now, lying on his back on the couch. Nothing had happened yet and nothing probably would happen for a while longer, but he always preferred to play it safe. He shut his eyes while he waited, tried to imagine himself back in this position last month, when Caiti had come to find him in the morning and she had curled up with him.

He could practically feel her weight on his chest, comforting and solid and real.

He'd told her he would do it this time.

He shut his eyes tight and repeated that to himself over and over and over again until he felt the buzzing feeling he'd carried around all day start to intensify until it was impossible to ignore. He bit down hard, tried not to cry out as shooting pains went though his limbs and a pounding headache beat against his temples. This part was temporary. This part only lasted a minute.

Right after this, he kept telling himself. I'm going to do it right after this. He focused on that thought instead of what was happening to him, tried to breathe evenly, tried to pretend it wasn't happening. And then with a great shaking sigh, everything in him quieted. Nothing hurt anymore, for now. He felt strong and agile and powerful and he wished he didn't.

That little cup he'd prepared was sitting there staring at him and Marlowe almost let himself freeze up again.

Now, he told himself. You have to do it now.

It turned out to be more difficult than he'd anticipated though, because without hands, there wasn't a great way to hold the cup still. Usually Marlowe tried not to move around too much at all during the full moon. He didn't like how familiar this other body felt to move in. He didn't like how he instinctively knew how it worked when it didn't feel like his. But he had to do a lot of things tonight that scared him.