Sunset Blood

Unsteady: Part 1

My school always holds a small ceremony to end the year on a good note before winter break. I used to love it; this year I'm not so sure I wanna go. Somehow, my international relationship teacher convinced the headmaster that they should at least mention my departure.

"This is a unique opportunity for students to see that the world is bigger than their town and their country," she said. "Enya will have a chance to help some of her friends understand that outside the borders of their own country that there are people who live in perfect harmony and some who don't. Some who respect each other and learn from one other. This is a unique chance for us to teach our students that not all people are the same and that they shouldn't be judged by their colour and their origins. It's also a wonderful opportunity to teach them that our differences are what make us strong."

I'm nervous. I don't want to be the center of attention, and I especially don't want to be the center of attention of the kids I'm leaving behind. I have nothing to teach them. I've already learned that the world is a cruel place. I'd rather just forget about that, forget about my past, forget about my family in Albania, my friends in Switzerland, Katya, Artem. I just want to bury it all. I want to stay here, at least for now. This is the only place that feels like home. It's been four years, and I only just started to feel like this is my place. Moving all the time is fun when you're a child, but that kind of life is boring when you get older. It's not funny anymore. There's nothing to teach except how to blend in wherever you go and then again, I was never quite good at that. As I walked into the gymnasium, I saw the whole school gathered. I felt my stomach tighten. The last time I'd been the center of attention like this was my first day at this school. The noise of everyone chatting was louder than the chatter of birds. I made my way to the back, near the stage, where I found my favourite teacher.

"Hey, Mr. K," I said, trying to sound casual.

"Hey, Enya. How's it going?" He gave me a chin-up.

"Great." I nodded.

"You look pale," he said.

"I guess so." I shrugged.

"Yeah, you only look that way when you're nervous." He smiled and patted me on the back. "Try to calm down. It's going to be okay."

"I know," I said, but my voice was shaking a little.

"So, what's new?" he asked.

"Nothing really." I shrugged. "Just the usual."

I looked around the gym and noticed everyone seemed very excited. There was lots of chatter and laughter. I thought about ducking out and going home, but I couldn't do that. Besides, I was there now and I had to face this. The sooner the better, I guess. I looked out at the crowd and saw my very few friends sitting in the middle of the bleachers in the front row. They were talking excitedly and pointing at me.

"I don't know if I want to do it, Mr. Stojanovic," I say, "Actually, I'm pretty sure I'd rather skip the whole goodbye thing"

"Why?" He asks, tilting his head to the side.

"Because I don't know what I'm going to say to them," I say.

"Just go up there and say thank you, say a few words about your experiences around the world and that you're sad that you're leaving" "he says, "The whole point of this is not only to say goodbye but to leave something behind, a heritage if you will. You have so much to give to the world Enya, and it starts here."

I look at him, incredulous. "I don't know what you're talking about," I say, "People don't want to hear the usual stuff, like "I really liked this place" or "I'm going to miss you." How am I supposed to say goodbye to them? I mean, it's not like I can tell them I'm leaving because my parents got jobs across the world and I've been dragging along for all my life."