love letters :༅｡.｡༅ [ e. williams ]

unrequited, requited

ellie's a smooth talker and you think it's too good to be true. 

c/w : swearing, alcohol 

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there was a lot that you loved about jackson.

you loved the sense of community, and just having a place that you were finally able to call home. you loved having neighbors, people you trusted. you loved being able to create your own strange sense of normalcy, despite... everything.

you loved the animals, having access to water, and knowing that you could rely on always being able to be fed.

most of all, though?

your favorite thing about jackson was ellie williams.

despite the fact that she often gave you a hard time, and despite the fact that you felt as though you could never really let your guard down... something about her caught your eye and damn near made your head spin.

maybe it was your smile, the polite one you gave if you were feeling too shy to speak up, or the way that you managed to be so aloof when you were alone with her that made ellie intrigued enough to attempt to make you crack.

it was unlike her, really, to feel suddenly so bold that she could make a move or quite obviously flirt, but the way you refused to bite had ellie truly stumped. in fact, awhile after you had arrived to jackson, ellie was convinced that the two of you would eventually be something more.

ellie was there for you instantly, partly due to force and then because she truly wanted to be, (she had been assigned to be your guide, but the two of you just clicked) so could you honestly be blamed when you started to develop feelings for her?

ellie was intimidating, even with her awkward charm and short fuse. it was the way that she carried herself, she had been through so much and handled it all in ways that you couldn't even imagine. truthfully, you felt so... beneath her. the idea that she would ever look at you in the same way that you viewed her was laughable, so you didn't acknowledge it.

it was too much, too quickly, and you felt yourself begin to pull away from ellie before you even made the conscious effort to do so. she was always around, and sometimes you felt like you couldn't even trust yourself to be around her. it was too much pressure, acting like she didn't change your life just by being kind and like it wouldn't devaste your entire world if you finally allowed yourself to properly care about her, just for her to be ripped away from you.

no, you couldn't possibly handle it.

so instead, you pulled away.

"hey you," ellie said, practically breathless as she came to a standing next you.

the corners of your lips turned upwards and you straightened your posture. always on edge.

"hey back," you replied curtly.

ellie side eyed you and hesitated. you were already in a sour mood and she'd only spoken two words to you, perhaps a new record.

you stared straight ahead, watching couples and friends dance together only a few feet away.

another thing you loved about jackson?

the little affairs you held together as a community.

tonight's occasion was a party, a much needed reminder to take a breath. it had been a tough winter, and spring was finally making its way into the world. the sun felt a little bit warmer and the grass was a little bit greener... cause for celebration, apparently, but you weren't complaining. honestly, you loved it. it was a reward, and nobody would deny the opportunity to let loose for an evening.