love letters :༅｡.｡༅ [ e. williams ]

too soft for all of it

college is simply too much, and ellie is a great girlfriend. 

c/w : self deprecating talk? kinda but not super serious. established relationship, ellie being a cute gf ): 

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it took you a few seconds longer than usual to notice your phone ringing. you blinked heavily, tearing your eyes away from your bright laptop screen.

"hello?" you finally answered, stifling a yawn.

"babe, the fourth ring? you're seriously giving me forth ring treatment?" ellie's voice was a welcomed change in place of the lectures you had been listening to all day.

"sorry els," you muttered halfheartedly. you glanced at your planner, frowning. you had been working at this assignment for hours, at this rate you were behind schedule.

"what's wrong?" ellie asked, her voice softer.

"nothing," you sniffed. "just school. tired."

"are we still hanging out today?" ellie asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern. you hadn't texted her for a couple hours, ellie's first indication that something was wrong.

at her question, an irritating lump began to form at the back of your throat. you were supposed to hang out with your girlfriend today. you were also supposed to catch up on your assignments- it had been an extra busy week and you felt as though you were barely holding on. you had mapped out your week, organized which assignments you were going to complete on which day. however, some things were much harder than you had expected and your brain decided to feel blue this week instead of motivated.

not completing homework meant not seeing ellie, which was undoubtedly your final straw.

"i can't," you choked out, immediately drawing more concern from ellie. "i'm so busy ellie, and i've barely got anything done-"

"hey, it's okay," ellie soothed, automatically in girlfriend mode.

"it's NOT," you groaned, causing ellie to grimace. she felt bad listening to you on the phone, not being able to handle the sound of your voice breaking. "i haven't even started my essay yet, and i have three exams to study for, THREE ellie williams, three!"

ellie held back a laugh, clearing her throat before responding. "i know babe, i'm really sorry. is there anything i can do?"

you shook your head despite being on the phone. ellie heard rustling as you switched your phone to your opposite ear, turning your attention back to your laptop. "i can't do this anymore," you mumbled.

"yes you can, you're gonna get through it," ellie murmured, listening carefully to your uneven breathing.

"i have to drop out of school," you told ellie, rubbing your eye and trying to force the tears away.

"no," ellie disagreed. she felt bad, knowing how much you were struggling. the pain in your voice was enough to make ellie want to do anything and everything for you, but she couldn't help but smile at the dramatics.

"yes," you hiccuped. "i have to drop out of school, and m'gonna be a failure forever. my family will probably hate me and... and my eyes are gonna be fuzzy forever because i have too much homework and i can't, i can't look at my laptop anymore and my head always hurts," you cried, feeling pathetically small at how quickly your eyes welled up.

"whoa," ellie tried to keep her voice even, it was a horrible time to even let out a small chuckle. "i'm really sorry babe, it's gonna b-"

"and my stomach hurts because the dining hall food sucks, i just wanna take a hot bath so bad... everybody needs to leave me alone," you complained, trying to speak normally through the tears. "except for you," you added weakly.

"phew, glad i made the cut," ellie sighed in pretend relief, something that would normally be a quick way to make you giggle.

"ellie," you whined, pouting at your laptop screen.

"i know. how about you pack your stuff?" ellie suggested, already standing to retrieve her wallet and keys.

"weren't you listening? i can't hang out, i have to-"

"quit school and have fuzzy eyes? i hear you," ellie acknowledged. "but how about you come do those things at my apartment?"

your heartbeat quickened at ellie's offer, but you felt too defeated to take it seriously. "i can't," you cried, and ellie quickly turned up the volume on her phone. you were sniffing and your voice sounded muffled.

you rested your head on your desk, gently pushing your laptop away from you.

"you wanna stay at your dorm?" ellie questioned, already knowing the answer.

"no," you sobbed, and ellie winced.

"pack your stuff then, okay? you can come and have a nice bath, and i'll help you with everything, yeah? does that sound good?" ellie coaxed, already leaving from her front door.

"okay," you agreed meekly, standing up from your desk and looking helplessly around your room. "thank you ellie," you mumbled, wiping your tear stained cheeks roughly with your sleeve.

"don't thank me, just get ready, alright? i'll be there soon."

with promises to drive safe, you quickly began throwing everything you needed to bring into a bag. your eyes felt heavy with sleep as you packed and waited, but ellie kept her word and arrived for you as quickly as she could.

you met her at the front door of your building, bag slung carelessly over your shoulder.

with swollen lips and puffy eyes from crying, ellie's heart lurched at the first sight of you.

"i'll trade you," ellie said in a greeting, automatically taking your bag from you and presenting you with your favorite order from a cafe down the street. you gasped in surprise, eyes welling up with tears.

"ellie," you uttered, looking to her in awe.

"what?" she asked nonchalantly, taking your free hand. "anything for my favorite girl," she told you. you trudged along to ellie's car, gasping when she opened the door for you to reveal a bundle of flowers waiting in the passenger seat.

at first you were silent, but ellie's proud smile quickly disappeared from her face when you finally choked out a sob.

"what?" she panicked, glancing wide eyed from the flowers to your face. "what's wrong?"

you stared at her, tears once again slipping down your checks. "this is so sweet." your chin wobbled as you spoke, and ellie squeezed your hand.

"it's not supposed to make you cry!" ellie rushed. "it's supposed to make you stop crying." she was partly concerned, partly amused as she watched your face contort with emotion.

"it's jus' sweet," you hiccuped, blinking slowly.

"you're sweet," ellie praised, coaxing you into the car. "c'mon, let's get you back so you can rest before you crash, we don't need you to be a crybaby and grumpy," she teased.

"hey," you frowned, sniffing the flowers that you held in your lap.

"hey," ellie repeated. "i'll help you, you're gonna be just fine."

"you're gonna make me cry again," you warned, sensitive but holding back a smile.

"uh oh," ellie grimaced. "let's get you outta here, waterworks."

"ellie!" you exclaimed, finally breaking out into a grin.

ellie swelled with pride once you finally smiled, a feeling that carried her through the evening while she helped you get through everything you were stressed about.

by the end of the night, you were feeling much better, especially considering how the day had started.