Alice in Borderland ~ Niragi

2

With my eyes closed I'm trying to breathe in deeply, hold it for a few seconds, then breathe out again. I try to loosen up my muscles, but the tightness just doesn't go away. My heart is hammering against my chest and the spots before my eyes are dancing in the dark. Why do I always get this at the most inconvenient time, like when I'm supposed to get ready for tonight's grand opening?

Not that I'm doing anything secretive, but still I'm startled when I hear some knocking at the door of my room. 'Shiori?' It's Ryozu's voice. 'Is it okay if I come in?' I try to swallow the tenseness out of my throat before answering, but still my voice sounds cramped. 'Sure,' I reply dimly. I can't seem to stop trembling, no matter how much I'm trying hard to. 'Are you okay?' is the first thing my stepfather says when he enters my room. I try to shrug it all away. 'I'm just a bit nervous for tonight, I think we all are.' He doesn't reply at once, which makes me look up at him with a questioning look on my face. Only at this moment I see that he's holding some clothing on a hanger.

'Maybe I can help with that,' he starts saying carefully. 'Yimuha told me about how you couldn't make a decision about what to wear to the party yet.' I get the feeling that my mother talks behind my back more often now. I'm sure she's always complaining about how I should be more like her. 'She said you don't want to wear the clothes she picked out for you.' I want to tell Ryozu that if he came to pressure me into wearing some tight dress he should turn around immediately, but I can feel that's not what he came here to do. My eyes fall on the hanger he's holding.

'I can imagine you're not comfortable with them,' he continues whilst looking at the pile of clothing that's still lying on the floor, 'so I got some of the casual clothes from her new collection. I thought you might want to try them.' When he reaches out the hanger to me I accept it reluctantly at first, but after looking at the legging and the cool long top I feel like I can breathe again. Even just a little. 'I'm not sure mom will be pleased with me not wearing the things she selected for me,' I sigh.

'I'm sure your mother is just a little stressed about the opening, but she's also very proud of it. This outfit is also from her new collection, so she will be fine.' I'm not sure she will be, but if her new husband thinks so, maybe I should trust it. 'Thanks,' I say. In the moment of silence it seems like he's just about to leave, but he doesn't do that yet.

His eyes seem uncertain yet determined when he slowly approaches me and sits down beside me on the foot end of my bed. 'Your mother and I worked hard together to achieve this success in her business, but I'm aware that we're not the only ones that are working hard. I know that Tomoko and you are also doing that. I know the lives we're living right now was a big change for you, and that it can be intimidating. I know that you both had to adapt to this situation of Yimuha and me re-marrying.' He looks at my laptop briefly. 'I want you to know that I'm not trying to replace your father, nor do I expect you to see me in that way.'

I look at the screen of my laptop, on which an internet travel page can be seen. Just before I was having my panic attack I was researching how fast I could get to Yokohama, the place where my father lives. There wasn't any train left for departure.

'I'm sorry,' Ryozu says, 'I wasn't trying to snoop around your privacy. I just want you to feel comfortable, Shiori. I hope you will be wearing this outfit, but if you decide you won't be comfortable going to this event tonight at all, please say so. I can get my driver to bring you to Yokohama this very evening. It will be okay, I'll talk to your mother.'

Again I try to swallow the tenseness out of my throat. This time it stings from the emotions his words are stirring up inside me. For years now he has tried to get me to feel comfortable in this situation. He has tried to get to know me, but I didn't want anything to do with it. He said that if I don't want to go to this event tonight I won't have to. He would even let me go to my father's house if I'd want that. He's not saying any of it out of obligation; he meant it.