MaSK

#2: My True Self

Yumi's POV

It was after midnight, and my eyes were still chained to my laptop screen. My keyboard was sticky with the moisture of the summer night, and my knees were burning under the heat of laptop exhausts, but I was wearing a giddy smile. I found a guy on @SK who's into the same kind of stuff as I am! And from the way he types, he's cute, too. Acted all nervous when I tried flirting with him. Bonus! But it is great to talk to someone about my hobbies. I'm basically a full shut-in -- I don't even go to school any more, not since I was thirteen. Thankfully Mom and Dad seem fine with it -- and even they leave me alone when I want to be.

I've got other friends too, though. In fact, according to the clock, it was almost time for me to say hi to them. I closed out of @SK and opened up Messenger on my PC, grabbing my phone from my desk and doing the same there. The screen blinked and the chat room appeared, as did the names Noel and Blanche. I know, I know, everyone says not to trust online friends, but I've known these two since I was eight, even if I've never met them in person. I know them almost as well as I know myself. I don't use my screenname Yuki with Noel and Blanche -- my real name, Yumi Kurashiki, is fine since we're good friends already. I scrolled through the chat log while I waited for the others to connect. It went on forever; I could probably scroll for hours and still not reach the top. At last, our accounts connect and I get to typing. Here, I could just be Yumi -- no flirty teasing, no excessive emojis, just me saying what I want to say.

YUMI
>hey you guys!!!

NOEL
>hey yumi

BLANCHE
>how are you?
>getting nutrients?

Ah, Blanche. Always looking out for me. Well, someone had to!

YUMI
>yeah yeah
>dont worry
>i am

NOEL
>why would you get nutrients when you could be playing arc?

Noel was referring to Arc Fantasy, an MMO all three of us played. It's lost a lot of popularity over the years but I still find it fun, and it's free, so...eh.

YUMI
>hehe fair point
>i have been grinding the new event so maybe i could eat a little more

BLANCHE
>maybe you should play with us sometime then?

YUMI
>you know very well why i cant
>i wish i could tho
>too many noobs on all the time
>im pretty much a solo player

NOEL
>keep trying blanche
>maybe someday

BLANCHE
>  >:(
>any luck on the other front?

YUMI
>about that
>not exactly

NOEL
>f
>dont give up

BLANCHE
>yeah you got this girl
>youre like
>the cutest person i know
>any guy who doesnt fall for you is braindead

NOEL
>at risk of sounding creepy
>i concur

BLANCHE
>perv

NOEL
>shut up

Aww! Thanks, you guys. They always believed in me. But this time, I actually did have some news to report. And if it were anyone else, I'd hesitate before telling them, but with Noel and Blanche, my fingers were moving before my brain had decided.

YUMI
>no no wait!
>i said not exactly!
>i actually do have news!

There was no response from either of them. I took a breath before putting my fingers back to the keys.

NOEL
>well?

BLANCHE
>come on tell us already!

YUMI
>okay okay
>so i was on @SK and i met this guy kuro
>and guess what?

NOEL
>did he ask you to meet in some alleyway again?

I may have narrowly avoided some dire situations in the past. I never actually met with any of those people, though. Blanche had made me vow to be careful when she learned I was looking for love online.

YUMI
>no no
>he started talking about horror movies
>hes a nocturne fan!!

NOEL
>for real?

BLANCHE
>hey, go you!

YUMI
>and he got all nervous trying to say he wasnt looking for love, it was cute

BLANCHE
>nooo, my sweet yumi made a new friend
>we arent needed noel

YUMI
>haha very funny
>you know id never trade you guys for anything

NOEL
>if he said he wasnt looking for love why are you excited?

YUMI
>well first i just liked talking to him
>and second
>i tried some flirting so maybe i can make him like me
>imma try and find out how old he is and maybe ask him to meet

BLANCHE
>you sure?
>sounds risky

YUMI
>worth a try
>he seemed honest so idk, i wanna find out if i can trust him

NOEL
>well we will be here if you need our advice

BLANCHE
>always :)

YUMI
>thanks
>i mean it

The conversation reached its natural end. Blanche and Noel signed off as I closed the tabs on my PC and threw my phone back onto my desk. It was now 3am, and even a self-destructive night owl like me needs some sleep. I stumbled into my bed and kicked my slippers off, falling back into the folds of the mattress. I was just about to close my eyes and start recharging my batteries, when I heard a knock at my door.

"Yumi? Are you still awake, honey?"

My mom. It's not as if I hated her, but something deep in me kept convincing me that she was disappointed in my lifestyle, even if she acted like she didn't mind. As ever, I wasn't in the mood to talk to her after having spent my entire week in my room, save for the occasional trip to the kitchen.

"...Okay. Goodnight. Love you."

I heard her footsteps disappear down the hallway, and once again I was alone.

I don't think I'm allergic to going outside or anything. I just sort of...fell out of the real world. I cruised through middle school without really caring about anything or anyone, and even then I spent a lot of time online. People didn't dislike me; I disliked them. I just never had the energy to make small talk with anyone. And no one in freaking fifth grade knew what classes were optimal for the Christmas event in Arc Fantasy. I turned to @SK to get my kicks, whether that involved chatting to strangers about the latest niche horror movie, or messing with horny bastards. But even someone like me wanted to be loved, and I was hoping Kuro could give me that. I want to get out of this house, I want to have a life with another person in it...but I just...can't. Not unless I know there'll be someone out there waiting for me.

I clutched my knees to my chest and fell asleep.