When a Shattered Heart Speaks

Friendship

Friendships have never been my strong suit.

I have this weird thing that I have done for a long time where I get attached to people. Not romantically, just, fixated on them.

But I usually get too attached and end up losing them.

I was very popular in elementary school and up until 6th grade. I was the girl everyone knew and was friends with. But it stopped eventually, as all good things must come to an end.

Now I find it difficult to keep or make friendships. A word I've been described as repeatedly, annoying.

The annoying girl.

The one you can blame whatever you want on or ask for homework answers.

I have friends now, yes, but not any close ones. Mostly just school friends.

It made me realize how alone I'd been for so long and just accepted it at some point,

Eventually I just stopped trying.

I stopped trying to force others into being my friends, because I didn't want to put that burden on them.

So now, as I'm talking to the one person who I thought I still had, I realize that this isn't the friendship I want.

It took me a long time to realize that friends shouldn't drain you. Having friends and keeping them should not be a chore.

So for now, I am learning to accept that it's okay to be alone. I don't have a choice now that there's no one else to turn to.

(unedited)