i don't have a title for this yet (mark x cesar)

Vol. 5

(again sorry for cutting it off yesterday!! this will also only be cesar's pov and after this it's gonna be mark again i promise ^^ this is just how it works plz forgive me)

(cw: heavily implied suicide, flashback to said suicide 🙁)

Cesar POV

"Cesar Torres!" This snaps me back. I look at him, but he's barely visible through the bluriness.

"No. I'm sorry..I-I can't.." I try to pull away, but his grip is so firm on my hand. "Stay." His eyes are soft. Comforting. And so I do stay. I do my best to calm down, but it isn't really working. We sit in silence for a little bit, and I think it's necessary for both of us. For me to try and calm down, and for Mark to process what's going on.

I wipe my tears, and take a deep, but shaky breath. "It was my mother, more or less. She said my father was right and.." Marks face contorts to shock and holds his hands up. "Woah woah woah! Your dad wasn't right, Cesar!" I give him a small smile. "Yeah, I figured you would say that. Again, it was a nightmare, and I know she'd never think that about me, I think. But..well.."

I don't want to tell him about the ominous message she told me in the nightmare too. I'm afraid of how much paranoia will be added onto his already existing mound of paranoia. "Well..she..uh..slid me your handgun..and.." How do I work this story around? "I shot her. Twice." Marks face drops. "Y-You shot her?" I can hear the disbelief in his voice. He knows I'd never kill anyone. Ever.

"And then...I..shot..myself. In the head." I look down. My face burns with shame. I don't look up to see Marks reaction because I know it's either dissapointed or hurt. I've had this issue, way before the T.H.I.N.K principle, way before alternates and doppelgängers and all that. Mark had done his best to help me with it but one time it had gotten too much. He found me and quite literally saved my life. Another six seconds and I would've been dead.

Nothing had been said for at least two minutes. I'm worried that he'll leave, or ask me to leave. Instead, he hugs me. The thought that he's an alternate returns, but now I know otherwise. He would've killed me by now.

I hug him back. He takes a deep breath.
"I thought we'd gotten over this." He whispers. "Me too. Maybe it's just the stress of the moment? I don't know. I want to stop, Mark. I really do."

The crash of the chair brings a smile to my face. I'll wait. My vision is starting to black out. Someone opens the door. I don't care. It's too late; I'll be dead by the time they process what's happening. Instead, I feel myself drop to the ground. That's when I start to wake up. It's Mark. He's shaking me, crying and yelling. I can't hear him. It's all muffled. He presses his forehead on mine, whispers something unintelligable and it all goes black.

This horrific flashback leads me to tighten my arms around Mark, and he doesn't question it. "Cesar, we can work through this. Nothing we haven't dealt with before. Remember that time, in 7th grade..." I laugh before he continues. "Oh geez..don't remind me." Mark lets go of me, but he continues talking. "YOU held up a pair of the teachers scissors against some kids who were being jerks to me!" He still looks like he's in disbelief that it happened.

"I'd like to forget that, thank you." I say, but I'm laughing while I say it. "See, no matter what we're doing, we always get through it. That's the same with this, okay?" He smiles.
"Okay. Thank you, Mark." I put his hand in mine and give it a little squeeze. "Yeah. We'll...get through this."

The burn of my neck in the aftermath was unbearable. I put maybe six bandages over it, but nothing could help. All I wanted was for it to go away.

Instinctively, I scratch my neck. The skin still feels rough and inflamed. It hurts to touch it, but I can't help it. Mark seems to notice this, and makes a small, but subtle intervention. "Let's go to sleep, man. Come on, I'll get you into Sarah's room."

(gabriel have mercy this took a long time. but here you go. NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE FUCKING WILD SO UHHH YEAH TAKE THIS AS A SUBTLE WARNING!!

but thank you guys so much for your support!

especially you B5L1N4Ryu  ‼️

THANK YOU SM YOU ARE LIKE MY #1 FOR THIS STORY!!