Cannon fodder is too lazy to act

9

Throughout the day, Kai was barely able to catch Esmond. A crowd always surrounded the little head of blue and Kai found himself reluctant to try and force himself through just to end up following him silently in the end.

So, like this, Esmond remained unaware of Kai's presence, and throughout the day his irritable mood kept growing.

Kai returned home without many expectations. The servants came and took his bag and he was taken to his room to change from his uniform, to which the maid promptly took the uniform to be washed.

After Kai had changed into a simple white blouse with brown shorts and suspenders, white stockings, and tied boots that reach the midpoint of his calves, he went to the garden, bringing his little notebook with him.

Kai went to the bushes of roses, ignored the pain of the thorns scratching his exposed thigh, and finally sat down in an open area free of roses and thorns. This was his secret place only he knew about, he stumbled upon it by accident the day he heard the news of his father and brother's death.

His brother loved this particular spot of roses, saying they bloomed the brightest and he had rushed into the bushes on pure emotional distraught. He received many cuts, but the physical pain felt like a joke compared to the burning sensation that spread throughout his chest that day. It clawed and tore through him, completely devouring his lungs and heart making it a struggle for him to breathe as tears rushed down his face constantly.

Kai looked at the thick entanglement of thorns around him, the memories of his younger years flashing through his mind with a painful pang.

He looked down at the notebook in hand with hollow eyes.

His life has no meaning, all he is and ever will be is cannon fodder to the plot. Soon enough, when the story ends, he'll be able to reunite with his family again on the other side. Kai opened the notebook and flipped past all the pages that were related to the plot until he came upon empty pages.

With the charcoal stick he brought, Kai proceeded to desecrate the white pages.

Every stroke Kai made held a tenacity, each stroke growing thicker as his emotions became more unstable.

Until the piece of charcoal disappeared. Kai stared at his hand, his palms were completely black from the charcoal.

Kai breathed out an unstable sigh, looking down at the numerous pages of paper he tore out; each of them held a portrait. His father, his brother, and his mother were adorned with smiles but the because of the fragile material of the charcoal, it smudged easily and the portraits held an eerie gloom to them.

Kai looked at the notebook on his lap, the final portrait was of his family. Kai also tore this piece out, throwing it amongst the pile of papers.

Taking the notebook with him, Kai left the rose bush, adding to the injuries he sustained from entering before. He went back to his room, where he saw his mother waiting for him.

Sitting on the edge of his bed with a nervous yet complex emotion. Her hands were curled together, she held the pendant in her hand and the rims of her eyes were red. She was crying right before this. Her black hair, which was usually worn in a bun, flowed behind her back untouched and her attire seemed more simple than before, though she still wore the usual black.

At this moment, Kai held a bad premonition, his heart dropped heavily to his stomach and he hesitated to step forward. Wishing to crawl back to his little space and hide away, but she had already noticed him, it was too late to run now.

Making eye contact, Kai entered the room silently, walked up to his desk, and opened a drawer to put away his little notebook. His mother silently watched, the notebook her husband gave her son on his 5th birthday disappear into the drawers. Another piece of her heart seemed to have fallen.

"Kai..." She quietly called out, timidly reaching out her hand toward her son. Kai looked at her hand for a second before taking it and walking to her awkward embrace. "...I'm so sorry." She whispered by his ears, a wet sensation crawling onto his shoulder.

Nanaia took the hand of her son, pried them open, and placed the pendant she had always worn and sworn to never take off. When she placed it into his hands, she squeezed them shut, as if to convey to the other: "Never let this go."

Without any words, she pulled Kai closer to her blossom, lay on the bed, and hummed a familiar tune to lure him to sleep. Kai was reluctantly asleep, but with the regular circles she patted against his back along with the lullaby she sang, sleep was irresistible.

Feeling the steady breathing of her son, Nanaia knew Kai had finally fallen asleep. She carefully pulled her arm out from her head, tucked him in properly, and walked out of his room with cloudy eyes.

As she left the room, she gave him one last glance before giving him a painful smile. "Sleep tight, little Kai. Mom will be waiting for you."

The door closed with a click and Kai opened his eyes faintly before closing them back shut. The beating of his heart seemed so painful at that moment.