she is a mystery

Chapter 2

TW: eating disorder, self harm, death, abuse
If any of that makes you uncomfortable please leave! I love you and if you haven't eaten today go eat! My dms are always open💜

I wake up and take a shower. The feeling of the hot water against my scars burns but I don't mind. I dry off and get dressed. I wear baggy black jeans, a grey sweater and my robes. I brush my wavy hair and put on some makeup to cover my eye bags. I grab my backpack and leave to go to my 1st class. I purposely woke up late to miss breakfast. I get to class and sit in the very back. Classes go on as usual until lunch comes along. I decide to go to the library and read instead. I love muggle books. I am currently reading a book called girl in pieces. Lunch ends and I go to my final class of the day. I once again take a seat in to back corner when someone sits next to me. I look over and see Sirius.

"Hey y/n! Where have you been?" He questions with a smile.

"I-" I go to make up some excuse for not being at meals but just then the professor walks in cutting me off.
The lesson goes on until the end I rush out leaving to go to the common room. I lay on the couch enjoying the silence of only the beaming red fire. I hear the door open and I look over. It's Sirius again.

"Hey! You rushed off so fast" he says panting.
"Oh sorry" I say putting my book down.
"No worries! I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight?" Sirius asks with a smile.
"I um I can't sorry" I respond nervously grabbing my things and rushing to my dorm before he can say anything else.

Why is he still talking to me? Is this some kind of joke? I don't understand why he talks to me. I roll my sleeve up examining my scars. I sigh. I could have had this over with. Could have jumped. But he stopped me. He doesn't even know what he did. I couldn't have done that in front of him. I grab my blade and add a few more cuts to my sore arm. Going over old ones and creating new ones. After a while I hide the blade under my picture frame on my dresser and get a damp towel. I press the towel to my weak arm slowing the bleeding. I never understood why I did it. There was no particular reason. Sure I wanted to kill myself but I never cut to the extent of killing myself. I like the blood. Something about the blood coming out of my skin was..soothing. Once I first did it I don't even know why I did but now I can't stop. It's like smoking. You get addicted and now I am an addict. My arm stops bleeding and I roll my sleeve back down and wipe my tears. I soak the towel in my sink to remove the blood. I take my robes off since classes are over and grab my bag. I head out of the common room and make my way to the astronomy tower. I sit on the ledge. Not necessarily planning on jumping more just getting air. Considering but not planning. I look up and see the sun almost down. Dinner would be soon. I won't eat but I should go. I start thinking about Ace and tear up. I check the time and see dinner is starting. I wipe my tears and head down to the dining hall.

I walk in and take a seat next to Remus since it is the only seat available. They all greet me with a smile.
"Where have you been? I haven't seen you at meals today?" James asks me. I can't read his expression to tell if it's concern or just a way to start a conversation.

"I've been eating in the library" I lie. That was the dumbest shit I've ever said. The library?
They all just nod and continue eating dinner. I've learned how to "eat" in front of people. I pretend to take bites and cut my food to look like I've eaten most of it. This only works if you aren't being watched like a hawk which in my case is true as they all laugh about pranks and their day. I pretend to be full and just listen to their conversations. I excuse myself and go lay down. Out of nowhere I start crying. It just really hit me that he's gone. It just occurred to me I never get to see him again. Never speak to him again. Never hear him again. Never smell him again. What am I going to do?

I wake up around 2am with red puffy eyes. I can't fall back asleep. I slide on a sweatshirt and head to the astronomy tower. I sit on the ledge admiring the stars. I hear a noise and jump almost falling but grabbing the rail. I turn to see Sirius.

"I always find you here mysterious girl, huh?" He says chuckling.

"I guess so" I respond looking back up at the moon and stars. He walks over and takes a seat next to me. He pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking. I just look at him.

"You want one?" He asks. I shake my head no. Smoking killed my uncle. He wasn't in my life a while but it still hurt. Hurt my mom that's for sure.

"You know that's not good for you"I mumble.

"Huh? This?" Sirius asks referring to the cigarette.

"Yes. Those kill people" I respond dryly. He just chuckles and puts it out. We sit there in silence until he finally speaks.
" So what's your story?" He asks. My what?

"What are you talking about?" I ask confused.

"tell me more about yourself. Family, interests ya know" he smiles.

"I just met you. You don't need to know everything about me" I say frustrated and get up walking out leaving him confused. I make it back to my dorm and just lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

The next morning I wake up. It's a Saturday so there are no classes. I get up and get dressed.

Outfit:

I leave my hair down and do my eyeliner. I finish getting ready and out my wallet, wand and book into my bag. I walk out and see Remus, sirius, James, Lily and Peter all sitting in the common room couch.
"Hey y/n" James says before I can escape.
"Oh hi guys" I say shyly.
"I'm gonna go for a walk" I say and they nod.
I leave and walk around the halls. As I'm walking I see a group of girls and a few guys walking up to me looking mad. I pretend I don't see them until I feel myself being shoved to the ground. I look up and see they are a mix of Slytherin and a few ravenclaw.
"Hey bitch" one guy says looking down at me with a smug look on his face.
"Ew she's so fat" a girl adds laughing causing everyone to laugh along. I just stand up not making eye contact. I've learned not to talk back. It only makes it worse. The guy slams me into the wall while two girls hold me back.
"Please let me go" I mumble nervously.
"Shut up" a girl behind him says. He slaps me. I try to get out of their grip but I can't. He caresses my cheek and smirks. I look away as a tear rolls down my cheek. He gets mad at this and punches me. He starts slapping and punching me until I cough up blood. They let go as I fall to the ground in pain. A girl kicks me in my side before they hear something down the hall. He stops them and they all rush away. I lay there defenseless until I feel myself being picked up. Having no energy to fight it I close my eyes passing out.

I wake up on the common room couch surrounded by Sirius and his friends. I look around confused.
"How did I get here?" I ask quietly.
"I found you in the hall and brought you here" sirius says looking at me worried.
"Oh. Well I'm fine really" I say getting up groaning in pain. I stand up and they all just look at me.
"Who did this? Did you know them?" Peter asks.
"I'm not sure. It doesn't matter" I mumble walking away. I make it to my dorm and get in the shower. I wash myself removing the dried blood on my face. I put on sweatpants and a sweater. I get on the sale and see I've lost 8 pounds this week. Not enough. Yet again I say that every week. I lay in bed and drift off to sleep.