My Blueberry Life

01 | settling in

Julia
—————

My mind spiraled, the last time I had these many people looking at me was that one day in middle school, that memory that i despise.

That day was when I finally broke down, after some of the girls in my class were taunting me, making fun of me, whispering names to me like always when I had done nothing to hurt them. Kids can be evil. I felt everything that had been piling up inside of me all these years rushing back up, and before i knew it, I was uncontrollably sobbing in front of the whole class. Everyone was silent. It all went quiet. All I could hear was the ringing in my head and my screaming that echoed through the halls.

Everyone was looking at me.

I get this pit in my throat, and I feel my stomach twisting - was this about to happen all over again? Was I gonna be the the bullying target? Again..? Seriously. I just want a fucking break.

A million thoughts rush through my mind, while I'm making all kinds of negative assumptions to why everyone was looking at me, a tap on my shoulder interrupts.

"Hello!! you new here? We dont remember seeing you around in our old middle school" The girl behind me says.

Huh. Her tone sounded nice...welcoming even. That feels new. I've rarely ever had people speak to me nicely.

"Oh yeah, sorry for not saying anything earlier, I'm from a different part of town." I say

"Oh cool, we rarely ever get new people, everyone here has practically known each other since they were kids!" The girl's friend says

More and more girls gather around us, curious about me. I feel so confused, grateful - but confused. Everyone was nice to me, suspiciously nice.

"So why did you move here?" Another girl asks

I make up some lame excuse with the truth in mind. My truth that they'll never, ever know.

After a million questions, and after everyone had introduced themselves to me as i did, the curiosity finally settles down.

"Oh by the way, we thought you were SO pretty when you came in." Kailee, the first girl who spoke to me says.

All her friends, or I guess our friends now, nod in agreement.

"Totally! you're like, freaking gorgeous." Mia, her friend says.

"Dude right? I can't believe we got someone as pretty as her in our class. We're so lucky!" another girl exclaims.

"I thought of that too, imagine the looks on the other classes' faces when they see her with us! A girl who's new AND stunning? we're gonna be the talk of the school!" one more girl says.

As more and more of them go on and on rambling about my so-said beauty, I just sit there feeling unreal. Was this normal? I've never been complimented before. What do I say? Am I being rude by just sitting here? What if I come off as cocky if I speak?

I snap out of it and force out a "Thank you. You guys are so pretty too!" , earning a smile back from them.

Momentarily, the teacher walks in, and all the girls gathered around me get up to get back to their seats - "Welcome here Julia." a few say as they walk off, while Kailee and Mia's eyes are still on me since they sit behind me.

Kailee squeezes my arm and squeals - "I can't wait to show you around!" - I nod and smile - "Me too."

The class goes by at a rather quick pace, I wasn't really paying attention - I couldn't tell you anything that was said in that class, really. All I could think of was how everyone was acting towards me. Are they really my friends now? Seriously, that easily? Just because I'm "pretty" to them?

Without realizing, I start to feel annoyed, angry - angry for my past self. Pfft, are people really this bad? Is appearance seriously this important?! I've been the same person all my life, I'm still me, I'm still Julia, yet everyone is treating me like I've been reborn. I don't know wether I should trust them or not, should I just enjoy my new life? Or do I keep my guard up?

You know what, I'm overreacting - let me just live in the moment for now.

(not finished)