Crush

Avoid

Asher

Lonely.

I was so damn lonely without Oliver.

I'd been avoiding him as much as I could. Still being polite. Nice. But that was it. No lingering glances. No hopeful expressions. Just kept it simple.

He didn't seem to notice. Well, I hadn't given myself a chance to see if he'd noticed. I'd just kept my distance, sat across from him at lunch, hung out with Dylan and some of the other guys on the football team a lot more.

Like now.

In the park, picking up trash and sticking it in bags.

With a photographer following us around, taking photos of every move we made, every discarded wrapper we picked up. Ben walked with us, sporting a tight smile on his face, occasionally glancing down at the clipboard he was holding and chatting with anyone he came across. Dog walkers, parents with young children, elderly couples. He kept stopping to talk with them, point at us, tell them what a great son I was, what a great job we were doing. And we had to keep smiling, pretending like it was fun.

It was anything but fun. The autumn wind was cutting through us, making us all shiver, and blowing the trash in all directions away from us.

I had hoped I'd be doing this with Oliver, but I didn't trust myself around him too much. Instead, I'd asked the football team to help out. Told Dylan that it would mean a lot to me if the team could help out my dad and his campaign. And the guys jumped on board, buying my story of being the perfect son. They were good guys.

Now here we were, trudging our way along the paths in the park, picking up discarded bottles and cans as the wind whipped them around us, smiling for the camera, causing a bit of a crowd.

I glanced up at the faces watching us and saw Sofia with her eyes on me. She smiled and fluttered her eyelashes, her dark hair pulled up off her face. I rolled my eyes and looked away, pulling my hat down lower over my eyes.

"Trouble, that one." Dylan came up beside me and nodded in Sofia's direction. "Try to stay away from her."

I offered him a wry smile. "I'm trying, man. She doesn't take a hint, though." I really had tried to keep away from Sofia. I hadn't asked her out for a few weeks and now she was blowing up my phone. I was seriously thinking of changing numbers. I mean, I had no use for her. Not now that I wasn't seeing Oliver outside of school. She'd only been handy when it came to double dating with Oliver and Chloe.

Dylan chuckled. "Even if you ran her over with a truck, she'd still come back for more. Totally clueless."

We walked side by side slowly, eyes down looking for anything to pick up. The wind kept nudging the trash along the path, teasingly out of reach.

As much as I enjoyed hanging out with Dylan, I missed Oliver. Missed everything about him. It was tempting to just stare at him when I saw him around school, but I made every effort to keep my eyes away from him. Just a glance, a nod, a smile ... and that was it.

And it was killing me.

It hurt. So much.

To see him cuddling up to Chloe or laughing with Jenson.

The whole thing hurt so fucking much.

It should be me that he shared these moments with. Me that he cuddled with, laughed with, shared secrets with.

Yet here I was, stuck on the sidelines, watching.

I fucking hated it.

Every fucking second of it.