ALWAYS & NEVER

F I V E

I am mortified.

Actually is there a word for worse than mortified because if there is I am it. 

He didn't answer, he didn't reply.

He hung up. 

He actually hung up on me. Do you know how that feels? It feels as if he just stabbed me in the chest and then twisted the knife. At some point a little while after all of that happened, Noah helped me back into the villa and laid me on my bed. 

Tears had eventually dried on my cheeks and Noah quietly crept out of my room, I'm not sure if he thought I was asleep when he did leave but I really wasn't going to be able to sleep through any of the thoughts running through my mind.

It was morning now, I knew that much but I didn't know what time. I couldn't hear Noah so I assumed it was still early. I laid facing the window watching the curtains flutter back and forth due to the light breeze. 

I can't believe he didn't reply, he must have had some kind of idea right? Everyone else knew, was he just that thick? I know that sounds terrible but he's known me his whole life, if someone I had only just met figured it out that quickly he must have known right?

Time seems to go by so slowly when you can't sleep. I roll over and grab my phone, switching the device on and taking a deep breath. Noah switched it off for me last night, just in case he decided he should phone back. Considering I have no notifications on my phone, he didn't.

I pull myself out of bed at the early time of 6:30am, even if I am on holiday, slipping into my bikini and cover up and heading out to the pool. I may as well do something if I can't sleep. 

I'm not sure if I should have told Matty how I felt, I know I can't turn back time and maybe this will do us the world of good as friends but I can't help but be absolutely petrified that this might be the end of our friendship. 

When I finally pull myself out of the pool I realise that the sun is a lot warmer now so I must have been in the pool longer than I thought. I lay down on the sun lounger giving my phone a quick glance and see that I have a missed call from Harper. My heart leaps into my throat, butterflies erupting. I notice the time is almost 9am and quickly dial Harper's number. 

"Flo, are you okay?" She asks me with a hint of panic in her voice. A thick lump forms in my throat and I struggle to hold back tears. "Matty rang me this morning asking me to ring you and check in on you, said you'd spoken to him."

"Oh." I whisper gently. "Did he say what we spoke about?"

"No, just that I should check on you." I hear her take a deep breath and I prepare myself for what she's about to ask. "What did you talk about?"

"I told him."

Deafening silence followed my statement and I had to pull my phone away to check to make sure she was still there. She was. 

"Harps?" I mumble, picking at the tie of my bikini bottoms. "Say something."

"You, you told him that you're in love with him?" I can almost see her eyes bulging out of her head as she takes in what I just told her. "That's good though right?"

"I called him because I missed him and we got on to the topic of why I left, it just slipped out. I didn't want him to think it was because he'd physically done something when in reality it wasn't, it was just my feelings. It wasn't fair on him as much as it was me and he needed to know." I chuckle drily and wipe a couple of tears away. 

"What did he say?"

"He didn't" I sniffle. "He hung up." 

"HE WHAT?" Harper shouts down the phone and I have to pull the phone away from my ear. "Sorry, sorry, did you just say he hung up on you?"