OK? | Rotxo ~ avatar

19. confessions and confusion

Sa'ria POV

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Me and Rotxo we're walking away from the small bonfire dinner.

We were walking in a suffocating awkward silence. The tension in the air was thick but neither of us had the balls to break it. The only thing that could be heard right now is the peaceful waves crashing down on the sand, the quiet sounds of the animals in their natural habitats, the slight sound of sand pressing together at each step they took.

It was so silent between them that she could hears Rotxos breath hitch every now and then. Ria didn't like it, it's never been this quiet between us until now.

I opened my mouth to say something hesitantly before ultimately closing it again. We kept walking almost side by side, around 2 feet of distance between us.

As each second past the tension grew thicker and it was irritating me. I would honestly rather poke my eyes out then be here right now.

"So..." he started. I tensed, I didn't know what to expect him to say. He could say that it was all a mistake, that he was intoxicated and wasn't thinking straight. My mind was racing with a million different thoughts right now. The main one was, 'what about Ewni?'

Sure we had never really made it official, but we were taking things slow, and i'd grow quite comfortable around him. It was the type of comfortable that you felt around a family friend you hadn't seen in a while, but still felt safe with.

Rotxo was a whole different type of safe. Rotxo was the type of guy that you could give your drink to, to make sure no one put anything in it, he was the type to take care of you when your intoxicated. He was the safe that you could sit comfortably in silence just enjoying each others presence. He's the type I know I can be vulnerable with.

"Look I don't know how you felt about the kiss but I didn't just not feel anything alright, and I don't even give a shit that i'm telling you all this right now cause i'm just tryna be fucking honest." My heart was in my ass right now, he spurred pure word vomit, but he actually meant it. "I don't know how stuff is going with you and Ewni but to be honest I don't give two shits, I didn't know what's been going on with us recently but I think we can both agree that we don't completely hate each other, and even though i've been trying to convince myself that I despise you with every fiber in my body, I just don't okay. And I don't know what you want to do with this information but I'm begging you to be completely honest with me because I don't want any of our 'we hate each others guts' bullshit." He let out a breath he had been holding in.

My brain was racing with a million thoughts more, Rotxo being all of them. We were facing each other now, he diverted his eyes and avoided eye contact. I looked at him with sincere eyes. I blinked a couple times trying to proceeds everything that he just said.

"Rotxo, what you just said is a lot to process ok, but it's not like I don't feel anything for you either. The kiss did mean something to me, very confusing, but it did. I don't know what's been going on with us recently but its honestly very overwhelming because I was just so set in my mind on me hating you, and at the suddenly change of heart from both of us is just so strange to me I don't even know." I took a deep breath continuing, not even thinking about it just saying what's on my mind. "I don't know if these feelings are one sides or mutual but i'm being honest with you too because i'm just very confused and yes I know I already said that but I couldn't give two shits to be honest. I feel something for you very different then i've felt for guys in the past and even though I do find you very insufferable and very annoying, i'd rather have you around annoying the shit out of me then just not have you here at all."