Tommy wakes up with a feeling of emptiness. Not happiness, not sadness, not pain. Well maybe a little pain. He sits up and looks around. He sees another fucking note on the table. ‘ when me and phil get home, we are talking. -technoblade.’. That's new.. Usually Phil is the one to leave these worthless notes thinking I would accept them. But this one is a new feeling. A feeling of concern, a feeling of worry, a feeling of anger. Tommy tiredly gets up and runs a hand through his blue hair. He never knew why, but his hair was always soft. Fluffy and soft. He goes to the kitchen to grab something. He goes to grab a golden apple but holds his hand back. He moves his hand to a normal red apple. He hesitantly takes a bite and walks to the bathroom.
He sees that the mirror shards aren't there. He grumbles as he turns the shower on. He gets on and sits down, Staring blankly at the wall. Why did he do it? Why did he let himself pathetically bleed out and of all people to see it, phil and techno? He hugs his shaking body, curling into a ball. He lets the hot water drain and wash away all negative emotions and thoughts, he was empty again. No happiness, no excitement, no naiveness. It all washes away along with the extra blue hair dye that he didn't wash out well enough. He feels his body numb again, the water becoming too hot. Yet he doesnt turn it off. He doesn't move away. He doesn't make the water cooler. He lets the hot water consume his body, consume his emptiness. The boiling heat feels welcoming, almost as welcoming as lava. He wishes that it was lava. He wishes the heat would melt away his body. He would give his cardigan to ghostbur, the little bit of armor he had to phil, and his bandana to his tubbo. He never knew tubbo could be so cruel. His arm stings from the hot water. That's fine. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't feel painful. It feels welcoming. Like getting too tight of a hug from tu- dream. It doesn't hurt. It's like arms as warm as the sun, but as cold as neptune. He feels tingling go through his body. Like thousands- no. millions of needles piercing your skin as you scream for help. Welcoming. That's all it is. Welcoming. Empty. Yet those are the only things he has been feeling other than longing. He never realized the true beauty of emptiness. The beauty of never knowing what's going to happen but knowing it can't get worse. Empty; a feeling of happiness, of sadness, of anger, of disgust, of fear, of lust, the feeling that can describe everything but nothing. He would prefer to keep it that way. To feel it to where no one knows how you feel because it's nothing but everything. He stands up and lets the boiling water cover his scarred face. A painful feeling. A red feeling. A feeling of death, a feeling of love, a feeling of beauty, a feeling of nothing. Yet pain. He hisses and pulls his face away from the scolding water. He gets the feeling that someone is there. He turns off the water and gets dressed. He walks out only to see phil.
“Tommy, we need to talk.”
“There's nothing to talk about.”
“No- TOMMY! You dyed your hair blue, you stabbed yourself, you have more scars than I could have seen, you have permanent eye bags. You expect me not to be worried?”
“I don't want to talk, phil.”
“Tommy we aren't shoving past this! This is serious!”
“Just as serious as those delusional notes you leave everyday? I never see you guys.”
“Tommy, you showed up unannounced! You can't expect us to give you the world!”
“I don't expect you to give me the world, I expect you to treat me with some human decency!”
“Oh you little-” Phil says, raising a hand to slap tommy. Everything freezes for Tommy as he watches Phil's hand rise. It was like he was with dream again. Tommy could swear he could see that dark tint in Phil's eyes. The evil expression, he even had his hand positioned as dream would have it. Tommy feels his body go cold,Phil's hand growing closer to him at every second. What am I doing here? I'm supposed to be with dream. He didn't want me to leave. He loved me. Yet this feels so familiar. Tommy feels the air between them get slammed away as the same stinging fills his cheek. Shit. It's my fault. Dreams back.
“Dream- i'm sorry i didn't mean to, i swear i won't do it again please you can do anything with me!”
Phil’s eyes widen as he realizes what he's done.
“I'll get ready for you just please don't hurt me!” Tommy says, moving to remove his shirt.
“Tommy..'' Phil says, a face of pure terror plastered onto his face as he stares down at tommy.
Phil had never questioned if he was a bad father. He knew he was as no one is perfect. But this was the moment he realized just how bad of a toll it could take on the kids. He knew how much support Tommy would need while going through this part of life. He never knew someone could have so much trauma. He never thought of how it could affect a person. He never thought he would be such a bad father to the point his own son was clinging to his feet, begging him to get it over with. He never knew how much trauma could break a 20 year old.
Phil cautiously helps Tommy up, making sure not to hurt him or trigger anything. Tommy is still pleading as Phil wraps his arms around him. Tommy feels his face grow warm and he clings to Phil.
“Dad, I don't want to deal with shit anymore..”
“I know, tommy.”
“Please dad, I just want to disappear.”
“It's not worth it, tommy..”
“Why not? No one likes me other than dream..”
“Tommy, you went through so much suffering. You fought for all that time just to give in to yourself? Death is a permanent thing for temporary problems. It's not worth it. And so many people love you. I love you. Tommy, I didn't realize you had such a big role in my life. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a bad father.”
Tommy stares into his eyes.
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
Tommy Angst ig
सामान्य साहित्यprob going to updated every other day. I normally write chapters when I cant sleep
