The Vurpilesto

The Travesty of Blondes

...because, of course, math is subservient to I, the Great One. The universe pails to the force of the holy Vurp bloodline that courses through my veins.
Of course, there may be detesters.
The power coursing through the arteries and veins of all members of the Vurp heritage is powerful enough to coil the seams of reality in any way it may such please, like the flow of electrons through an electromagnetic copper wire, the Vurpilatte blood remains pure and ever controlling over our domain. These detesters come from many lands, though they all share one thing in common.
They’re blonde.
While due to avocation by history and its unstoppable will to repeat, I cannot judge any one person by the features physically present on their being. Unless, of course, they possess the genetic mutation of having blonde hair. The color of one's hair means nothing in the face of anything at all, though I, the Great One, son of all the Vurpilattes before me, spokesman of the Vurp heritage, has a seething hatred for any one person with blonde hair.
Evidence, a concept well known by the great researchers and philosophers among the Vurpilatte heritage, means only what you bestow upon it. If you give all power to the presence of evidence-
MY RIBSSS! MY RIBBBSSSS, THEY’RE IN THE SKY-
If you give all power to the presence of evidence, then the presence of evidence will dictate all truth. This is a simple fact, of which I, the Great One, feel no need to present evidence for. Evidence is simply a subjective concept that means whatever you want it to mean. The less you let evidence dictate you, the more truth you can acquire. The more truth you have, regardless of how true it is, the more right you may be in all future endeavors.
This is why, in my professional jurisdiction, blonde people’s rights should be revoked. Evidence is a fallacy along with the color of blonde people’s hair, so by my own superservient decision, it is a fallacy that I will not choose to extenuate.
In the manner of evidence or proof of my claim I, the Great One, feel it is needed naught. The truth of the matter is that blonde people are a stain upon an otherwise innocent universe - it is a truth that is evident by nature and not through the subjective means of human consciousness. It is a truth, a universal truth that blonde people are inferior and the bearer of mayhem in all perceived conditions. It is a finality, as declared both by basic logic and reason along with the holy blood of the divine Vurp bloodline.