Chasing Hope [HIATUS]

CHAPTER 30

"Thank you," I said after a long silence.

Nakita ko sa peripheral vision ko na pinatong niya rin ang siko niya sa wall barrier at tumingin sa itaas.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

Since you came back, not anymore.

"Yeah," I answered. "Alam mo, your presence always bothers me. I'm not used to you being here."

"But you have to do it again."

"As co-workers, yes," I let out a laugh. "Why are you here?"

"I heard no one comes here so I thought I could find peace here. I didn't know you were here." He said.

"Palagi naman akong nandito." Mabilis kong sagot. Silence enveloped us so I was the first to move. "Sorry, there's just so much going on in my mind right now. Thank you for this, I will return it," inangat ko ang panyo niya at nilagay iyon sa bulsa ng coat. I smiled at him and before I walked away at the same time I wiped my cheek because a tear fell again.

My thoughts disturb me for no reason. I'm having trouble. Why did Ralpkiel have to show up there? He is one of the reasons why I feel inferior now and then he will give me a handkerchief? Do I really need to get used to his presence again? O p'wede naman akong lumipat ng ibang hospital. But it's hard to start anew, I've been working here for several years. I wouldn't like to leave either.

Besides, why would I leave and start over? I wouldn't choose to leave here just because Ralpkiel came back. I don't let my feelings and life be affected just because of his presence, he still hurts me secretly. That's how I feel, I'm hurt because I hurt him. Wala akong pakialam kung ilang taon na ang nakalipas, just now, my heart opened again to see our past. I realized I wasn't fully healed, I was just distracted. Or am I?

Sobrang gulo. Sobrang gulo ko. Am I feeling this way just because of Ralpkiel's presence? Yes. No. Maybe? I don't know. What's with him? Wala naman, right? I don't know why his presence disturbs me every time we get close. Siguro may part pa akong hindi ko pa nagagawa. And I want to know that in the near future so that I can do and finish everything.

Everything.

I went back to work and went to the room where we doctors always meet. Just talked about every case that needs to be dealt with immediately, and the said website as well. Everything was discussed there so it took us a while. After I got out of there, I went straight to the nursing ward again, I just checked on the children there with a nurse and we also tested them. After we consulted them, we also told the others that they can leave the hospital na.

Hawak ko ang chart at may binibilugan habang naglalakad. I just have to do something. Huminto ako sa nursing station at nilapag ang chart bago pirmahan 'yung isang paper. Tinanggal ko iyon sa clipboard at binigay sa nurse para sabihing ipabigay sa doctor na nakalagay rin sa dulo ng paper. "Anyway, do you have Ralph Quezon's chart? Doctor Hermosa's patient," I asked. Ngumiti ako nang tumango ang nurse at sinabing kukuhanin niya lang daw.

I patiently waited for that while playing with my ballpen. I felt hungry so I looked at the time. Shit. Anong oras na hindi pa rin ako kumakain. "Ralph Quezon, 11 years old, diagnosed with pneumonia." My lips parted when I heard what she said.

Kinuha ko iyon at tinignan. "Is he confined now? What room number?" I asked. "Thank you," binalik ko na sa kaniya iyon at tumakbo papunta sa elevator. Mabilis kong pinipindot ang up para bumukas na, ang tagal naman! I was so ready to enter the elevator but I lost my life again when I saw who was the only person inside. Wala naman akong choice kundi pumasok nang tahimik.

He was leaning on the end kaya hindi ako lumapit doon, may kausap din siya sa phone. Pipindutin ko na sana 'yung floor kung saan ako pupunta but we're going out on the same floor kaya hinayaan ko na lang.