RESILIENCE

Chapter 1

Shock, loss and grief, morbid pre-occupation, damaged self-esteem, self-doubt, anger. That is just some of the effects betrayal has on someone's life.

Dwelling obsessively on how you were wronged. Feeling exultant in your self-righteous pain. Turning your pain into an ongoing drama. Acting erratic and scattered, with no plan on getting better.

That's how the effects of betrayal is described, but experiencing it firsthand feels so much more complex.

When life doesn't grant you the opportunity to go through all those emotions in order to heal, you become set in being someone you're not, and sometimes someone you don't even recognize anymore. It produces life-altering changes to one's personality and your outlook on life.

Like every day is an act to protect yourself from the world outside your circle of people that you actually do trust. That's when protecting yourself becomes like a second job, almost like a burden at times.

I am taken out of my wandering thoughts by a voice in my office doorway.

"Doctor Harris, the patient you operated on this morning in 208, is experiencing a stiff neck and pain. Can I administer anything to alleviate the pain or do you want to check up on him first?" Ingrid, the lovely middle-aged nurse assigned to work with me since I've been here, informs me as she stood arms folded over her chest and with her shoulder leaning against the door frame.

"No worries, I'm almost done here, then I'll go check up on him. Will you meet me there in 15 minutes, please?" I asked as I completed my last batch of paperwork and files. Who said being a doctor doesn't entail lots of paperwork? 

"I will wait for you at the nurses station, then we can walk to him together" she said smiling at me.

Ingrid has been kind and helpful since the day I stepped foot here. She is the only person I would care to talk more than five words not relating to work.

Oh, and did i hear the stuff being talked about me by the staff, when I first started working here exactly one year ago.

As the Doctors would say, I slept my way up the ranks that's why I am at senior level at such a young age, but they are proven wrong with my skill and way of thinking when it's comes to problem solving almost impossible surgeries, saving many lives that would have been lost if not tended to. 

Nurses think I'm unkind and have no personally, but I make sure to thank them and give them recognition when things are done well. Even with my emotionless face, I still thank where thanks are due. Besides, a hospital is where people come that need help, so it isn't a place where you go play buddy-buddy for people to like you.

I also don't do emotions because emotions equals attachment and that creates room for disappointment when betrayed. It's not a question of, if betrayal will happen, but when it will. 

At the end of the day I really do not care what people think of me, because I'm here to help people get a second chance at life.

Today is my last day here in Germany and it's a little bitter sweet saying goodbye to another place that has been helping me grow in my field of expertise, but I'm excited to see my family at home.

I am what many would call an intellectual genius. I graduated high school at the age of 16, studied at the best Medical school in America and travelled the world giving hope while healing people and learning so much. 

I am a Neurosurgeon, people in a private capacity or hospitals would hire me to come in and deal with difficult cases. I'm also not permanently contracted which gives me the flexibility to be involved in the lives of my family. That's why the longest contract would be no longer then 1 year.