See Dot Smile

The Committee

No one wants to admit they're part of a clique.

Being cliquey is synonymous with being exclusive, snobby, or just plain mean to people outside your inner circle.

But if on the first day of your senior year you don't find yourself plopping down at your unofficially reserved (but every knows it's yours) lunch table, surrounded by the same half dozen people you were sitting with on the last day of your junior year, then you're either a social outcast or a clique swinger. And no one wants to admit they're either of those things.

So yeah. I'm in a clique.

"You guys heard about the breakup, right?" Lilliana asks as I find my assigned seat across from her.

Joshua and Ali's big breakup. Yeah, I heard. From my mother of all people. And I'm okay.

I've already been through the five stages of grief about it.

Shock. Disbelief. Gratitude. Arousal. Climax.

"Yeah, that sucks." Kendall shakes his head, like he's sad, but then carries on like we're planning a party to celebrate the occasion. "Who do you guys think we'll get in the divorce?"

Kendall is arguably the leader of our little band of misfits, but only because at 6'5 he towers over the rest of us and has a really deep voice that makes him sound like a much older man. He's also quarterback of the football team and the sexiest human being to walk the halls of our high school in half a century. He earned himself the nickname Ken Doll freshman year and has never lived it down. The similarities are striking, although I've been assured by a trusted source that Kendall is packing considerably more, anatomically speaking, than his plastic comparative. Considerably more.

"It'd better be Jameson," Tom says, tearing his ham sandwich in half and offering one side to Marcus, who has once again left his lunch at home. "He was here first. Plus, he's so tiny, he makes the rest of us feel like real men."

Tom plays football, too, but he'd be labeled 'nerd' over 'jock' given that he's academically number two in our class, second to Lilliana. He's also super handsome, but in a dark, mysterious, lone wolf kind of way. On more than one occasion I've pictured Kendall and Tom dressed up as Thor and Loki and had quite a bit of fun with that.

Tom is one half of an intensely committed couple. But no one outside this lunch table knows that, because Tom and Marcus haven't come out to the world yet. Tom has been out for years, but Marcus is still in. Deep.

"I'm voting for Ali," Lilliana says.

"What?!" Kendall protests over a mouthful of peanuts.

"Dot and I are already outnumbered. We need another chick to break up the sausage fest."

"No thanks," Tom says. "More sausage please."

Marcus grins over his sandwich and he and Tom exchange one of their adorable, love-starved glances. They're so desperate to screw each other it's palpable.

Another sign that your clique is a clique: You're all currently dating, have dated, or wish you were dating each other. This can be dangerous to group dynamics because break ups happen, and you fall into one of two camps. The 'who gets our friends in the divorce' camp. Example: Joshua and Ali. Or the 'we're going to stay friends even though we've seen each other naked and explored each other intimately' camp. Case in point: Kendall and Lilliana.

"I want Ali," Lilliana argues. "She's tough. No offense, but you guys all suck at keeping annoying people out of my hair. Without Ali, we have no muscle."