Serendipity

Chapter 31

Why does it seem like I'm always floating in darkness, in a void of nothingness surrounding me? Although it's peaceful here and I don't feel pain anymore. What I do feel is comfort and solace, like a pair of strong arms holding me, and I close my eyes, listening to a heart beating in my ear.

"Jimin..." I whisper.

"No, ma petite cherie... 'Tis not your love here..." a lilting, accented voice says. I lift my head, looking at the person holding me. I see a little old woman in a white dress, hair white as snow and soft looking like cotton candy, her dark eyes searching mine. Her face is filled with laugh lines, and her forehead and around her eyes crinkle when she smiles at me, her straight white teeth a stark contrast to her mocha skin.

"Who are you?" I ask, staring at her.

"Oh, I think you know," her smile gets bigger as my eyes widen.

"Mawmaw. You're Anaïse's Mawmaw, aren't you?" I state, shocked to my core. She nods once, her hand caressing my face. "Where are we?"

"In-between," is all she says, a sad smile now showing.

"In-between? In between where?" I look around as the nothingness fades away, and the green of a meadow and trees becomes visible around us.

"In between life and death, my child. Do you not know?" she queries, her voice speculative. I shake my head, tears in my eyes.

"Ah, I see." She nods to herself before looking off in the distance. It's several moments before her gaze finds mine again, a gentle smile on her face this time. "You are here because you have a choice to make..."

"A choice? What kind of choice?" I stare at her.

"That is something you need to figure out, ma cherie. I cannot tell you what it is, and I cannot make it for you... Just know that whatever choice you make will be the right one..." Letting go of me, she stands up and turns to walk away. "And if you see my little Ana again, will you tell her something for me?"

I nod my head, and she comes back, bending over to whisper in my ear. She kisses my cheek, then straightens up and walks away. I watch her retreating form until she reaches the tree line, where she stops and looks back at me once more before disappearing.

I stare for a few moments more, but when nothing else happens, I lay down, resting my head on my hand. I suddenly feel so tired and close my eyes, planning to only take a quick nap before I figure out what choice I need to make...

*************

The sound of crying babies in the distance pierce my subconsciousness. I jerk my head, trying to get the sound to go away, my heart breaking. I never got to hold our daughter...

It's the feeling of tears tracking down my face that makes me aware of the steady sound of beeping above my head. Then the sound of a baby starting to cry nearby makes the tears flow harder. How cruel can people be?

I curl into myself, covering my ears, trying to block the sound of the cry as the sobs start because the heartbreak is too hard to deal with.

"Shhh, Baby... You're alright..." The touch of warm fingers on my cheek don't penetrate my grief. "Shhh, my love..."

"I tried to keep her safe! I tried so hard!" I cry out, my heartbreak coming out through my words, punctuated by sobs. "I never got to hold her. I can't do this. Why? Why is life so cruel to put me near when I can't have my own??"

I cry until I'm floating in blackness again, the heartache following me there.

*************

"Has she woken up since yesterday?"