Almost Had Me (Passion Book 2)

Chapter Thirteen

"You're what?" Maddie demanded. 

"I'm moving in with Eddie," I repeated. 

Her hands were on her hips, and she was glaring at me. I was in my room, getting ready for Eddie's mother birthday. I was unsure of what to wear. What did one wear when meeting his lover's parent for the first time? 

"And you think that this is a good idea?" 

I nodded, though my stomach was still flipping. I'd never lived with a significant other before. Though, granted, this was only my second serious relationship. 

"I want to do this." 

"And how did he manipulate you this time?" 

Frowning, I turned to look at her. "He didn't manipulate me. We talked about our future, and we decided to take the jump. That we should enjoy whatever time we have left together." 

"You make it sound like one of you is going to die or leave or something. I thought you were happy with him." 

"I am happy with him," I said, pulling a green patterned shirt from my closet. "But who knows where life is going to take us. I don't want to stay in L.A. forever." 

A hurt expression crossed her face. "Since when?" 

I shrugged. "I don't know. Since I got here? I love the city, but I want to see other parts of the world." 

"So, travel." 

"You don't want to stay in L.A., either," I pointed out. 

"It's not so bad." 

"I thought you were just passing through," 

It was her turn to shrug. "It's grown on me." 

Sighing, I made my way to the washroom. She followed me, standing outside as I closed the door. 

"Where would you go, Buck?" 

"I don't know. New York? Amsterdam? New Zealand? I want to see it all." 

"So you want to do what Abby did." 

I stiffened. "I wouldn't be with Eddie if I did it." 

"Where the hell is this coming from?" she asked as I pulled off my current shirt, replacing it with the green one and a pair of black shorts. "You're feeling trapped, aren't you." 

"I don't know," I answered. I had no idea where this was all coming from. 

After Eddie had asked me to move in with him, I had the feeling that I was drowning. But I also didn't want to say no to him because I loved him, and I did want to spend my life with him. But I felt as though I was being tugged in two directions: My relationship and future with him, and me wanting to live my life. I was so used to being able to do what I wanted, without an regard for those around me. Maybe that was why I'd always had casual relationships. 

Now, I was in a serious relationship. A serious relationship where we had to start thinking about our futures, and I was becoming terrified. 

What if I wasn't good enough for him? What if he got tired of me? 

There were so many things that could happen. So many variables. 

Stop overthinking! I screamed at myself. You want a life with him. Stop thinking about leaving. 

What was wrong with me? 

I loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone before. I could do this. 

Could I marry him? 

Pushing that thought from my mind, I brushed my teeth slowly, then styled my hair. 

I looked presentable enough, I decided. 

Unlocking the bathroom door, I saw that Maddie was no longer in the hallway. 

Relieved, I headed to the porch, pulling on my shoes. 

"I just hope that you're making the right decision," she said from behind me, causing me to jump. 

"I am," I assured her. "This will all work out." 

She nodded, and said nothing more. 

I knew that it was stupid to feel insecure in my relationship with Eddie, but I also knew that I would never fully forgive him for what he did. 

But I needed to move past that. 

Don't dwell on the past. It's the past for a reason. 

And tonight was about moving into our bright future together. 

Our future was brighter than ever, and I knew that I would not look back on the past; that door was closed for a reason.  

I knew that I was being contradictory to what I truly wanted. Did I really want to travel the globe? Now I understood what Abby must have been feeling, and I hated that I was thinking similarly to her. I didn't want to travel alone. Didn't want to be without Eddie. And yet, part of me felt like it was better that way. 

I was confusing myself as well as those around me. 

I needed to make up my mind, and I hoped that tonight would help me with that. 

The fact that Eddie wanted me to be apart of his family, meant that he was so sure about the future he saw with me. In return, I could give him the same. I would focus on us, on building a future with him. The future that I knew I wanted, and the future I was afraid of allowing myself to have. 

A honk outside told me that Eddie was here, and so I said goodbye to my sister, and headed out.