More Than This || Larry x Tanner

4. Panic and Bedsheets

Chapter word count: 16240

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The dark sheets are warm and soft to the touch, the comfortable fabric draped over his body, his face buried into the large pillows with his dark strands of hair falling over his eyes. His breathing is slow, his body relaxed as he lied comfortably in bed, Larry lazily fluttering open his tired eyes.

An additional shadow of warmth is felt against his mellow skin, a heavy weight holding his body down as the bed sucks him in. It becomes clear to Larry that warmth belongs to Tanner, his larger, muscled arms are wrapped securely around him, their legs tangled as Tanner holds him close.

Tanner's face is buried behind his neck, his warm breath gentle and consistent as it tickles his skin. It's comforting — grounding and he loves it — loves the way Tanner hugs him from behind, loves the way he holds him as if he'd lose him, his hold tight. Larry is unable to resist as he snuggles up to the warmth, pressing his back against Tanner as he loosely holds the arms that securely hold him. He can stay like this forever.

Larry loves this feeling, loves their proximity, loves their shared warmth but he can't ignore the way his heavy heart burns in his chest or the way his stomach curls with anxiety as he's riddled with the reminder of the sudden realization he was hit with the previous night, the feeling haunting as it echoes within the depths of his mind.

He shakily inhales, guilt stirring within him, nauseous as he dwells on his feelings that pool in his stomach. He's angry at himself — angry he let himself get attached, angry that despite knowing how he tends to get, he still got sexually involved with Tanner. He should've known better, should've predicted this — should've prevented this.

Larry's sick, ashamed at himself for his feelings, embarrassment washing over him for getting attached over a few sexual encounters despite knowing deep down that wasn't fully the truth. He wants to regret this, wants to regret the countless times their bodies were pressed together, hot mouths against skin but he doesn't — he can't.

The air is tight, his breath short as he struggles to breathe, panic rising within him from his plaguing mind. His stomach twists, tying in knots as a whirlpool forms inside of him. His heart is loud as it races against his chest, the rapid thumping echoing in his ears.

Why did he have to fall for him?

Tanner quietly sighs in his sleep, the sound pulling Larry back into reality, the vibrations tingling the back of his neck, Tanner pulling Larry in impossibly closer, further snuggling with the smaller boy. His hold around him tightens, securely holding him in place, and as a result, Larry is incapable of leaving his hold if he wanted to — he didn't.

Larry slowly exhales, softly breathing as his body relaxes in Tanner's arms, appreciating the shared warmth as it aids in calming his crazed mind. He still feels stupid, rightfully so, as the mere fact he ever thought this situation between them would ever be a good idea, appalling. He was so blind, the signs all there, obvious from their first night but he was too stupid to ever catch them.

However, despite the intense feelings of regret, shame, and guilt, he's unable to let go — unable to pull away from the hold of his muscled arms. He loves the way he holds him, loves his musky scent, loves the warmth he radiates. He loves this no matter how much he tries to tell himself otherwise.

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Even with the sudden revelation, with the way Larry beat himself up for the emotions he felt for his friend, that doesn't seem to stop any of their sexual activities, his realization playing little to no influence in his decision to stop or continue this situation.

Larry keeps his feelings to himself, never admitting it out loud and instead, ignores it, quietly yearning for his friend as he drowns in waves of guilt and shame.