Did you mean it?

Love and War and Truce

"What do you want me to say, that I'm in love with you?"

Kiara returned home and JJ's words echoed inside her head. She stripped her dress and pulled on a pair of joggers and a tank top. She laid in bed and opened the emergency phone, beginning and stoping messages to JJ for about an hour before turning it off. She shouldn't be contacting him. Not now. Not this way.

Yes, that is what she wanted him to say to her. All she wanted to hear was what he was feeling. When she walked away she half expected him to follow her. She silently hoped he would. Say that he made a mistake, that the words came out wrong, that he did feel for her. He didn't.

The following morning she was numb. Or was it shock? Was she catatonic? She couldn't find her voice to speak and nothing felt real. It was like living in a fantasy land. Especially talking to her mom.

Anna went on and on about dresses and the upcoming party at the island club, and that Kiara was going-and she better not complain. Kiara barely hummed an acknowledgment, not even caring that her mom was planning on setting her up with someone. She couldn't be bothered in this moment. It didn't feel real.

When Kiara's dad called to ask her to come to the Wreck to cover for a server who was out sick she didn't think twice. Just got up and left for the Wreck. Completely blowing off the plans she had with the Pogues and didn't bother to tell them she wouldn't be by today. JJ could explain why she wasn't there. If he cared to at least. A stab of pain broke through the dissociative state she was entranced in at the thought of him caring. She stuffed the feeling down, forcing it out of her mind. If she was going to move on from this she would have to push it all down.

Kiara couldn't concentrate for shit on anything during the shift. She rang up orders wrong, mixed up bills, and went through the wrong door, nearly knocking into plates of food being carried out. Everyone working with her was giving looks and being on alert to avoid her obviousness since she was acting like a space cadet.

Near the end she was taking a tray of waters to a table and picked up the wrong one first. The tray flipped and four water glasses went flying over the table, spilling onto the guests. Thankfully they were nice about it. She went behind the bar to clock out, the manager finally having enough, even if they were short staffed and she was the bosses daughter.

"Wow."

She startled, not having noticed John B parked at the far end of the bar. He had his head resting on his hand and had clearly seen the entire ordeal.

"First day?" He teased.

John B noticed Kiara scanning the area.

"He's not with me," John B said, answering her unspoken question.

"Don't know who you're talking about," she said and cringed when her back turned to hang her apron. God that was obvious.

"You okay?"

Kiara paused for a fraction of a second before she continued clocking out. She couldn't answer that question. Was she okay? In what way? Nearly every way she thought she knew she wasn't. Mentally she was out of it. Physically her chest ached constantly and she lost her appetite the moment food was in front of her. Emotionally she was wrecked. That was the worst. She felt abandoned. Rejected and humiliated.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, ignoring his question, which was fine with John B because he pretty much had his answer the second he walked in the restaurant. Her avoidance only confirming his observations.

John B gave her a pointed look. "You didn't come to the chateau, I'm part of the search party," he says cheerily.

Kiara eyed him skeptically. Ulterior motives sneaking up from behind his dopey smile. He had tried to subtly have a conversation with her about JJ a couple months ago and she would not have it. John B was the golden kid. The one with the big heart and always cheering on new love. She didn't know where she stood with JJ then, trying to find a balance and talking about it with John B felt like it would be too much. This time she knew exactly where she stood. She had gone over the edge and it felt like JJ had pushed her.