Nick and Charlies intimacy struggles. Heartstopper

First time

"I'm scared." Charlie admitted. "But I'm also exited, I want to do this."

The two of them were lying in bed in each other arms, the sheet pulled up over their heads. The environment under the sheet was romantic and intimate, faces inches apart as they wisped to each other.

"I'm scared too? Scared ill do something wrong." Nick whispered.

"Its our first time, we are going to do everything wrong." Charlie laughed. "But you cant get better at something until you've started it."

"I love you so much." Nick wisped. He said it all the time but panicked when he remembered the context. "Wait I didn't say that because were about to have sex." Nick blurted out. "I mean I want to have sex because I love you, but I would love you if we never did."

Charlie quieted nick with a kiss. "I love you too."

"So uh how do you want to do this?" Nick asked.

"Can we stay under the covers, just for the start." Charlie asked, It helped with his body issues.

There was a long pause as they both undressed, Nick got out of the bed to give Charlie more room. While he was up nick put on some background music and dimmed the lights.

He got back into bed and they snuggled into each others arms, neither of them making a move just enjoying the warm feeling of bare skin and the emotional closeness it gave.

"Can you take the lead." Charlie whispered. Nick understood, Charlie wanted to do it but wasn't confident enough to initiate things. It was easier, more comfortable for him if nick led.

Nick took Charlies hand in his own. "Think of my hand like a remote control. If you want to slow down, pause or stop. Just give it a squeeze." Charlie often had problems verbalising discomfort, if he said something he felt like he would ruin the moment.

"Are you ready?" Nick asked. Charlie nodded, they started shuffling around under the covers then nick stopped. Charlie looked up to see emotion swirling in his boyfriends eyes. 

"Nick. Are you ready?"

Nick didn't reply. Charlie realised they had spent so much time focusing on his emotional readiness they had neglected nicks.

"Talk to me." Charlie asked, gesturing for them to lye back down.

"What if I'm no good? what if I hurt you? what if I finish right away?" Nicks worries came out as whispers. He was panicking about his performance. "Your so beautiful" nick said reaching out a hand to caress Charlies cheek. "What if I don't measure up."

Charlie supressed a laugh. "Nick your like the hottest person in the universe." Then Charlie realised he had made it worse. Putting nick up on a pedestal just added more pressure. So Charlie tried to address nicks concerns. "Its our first time, neither of us really know what were doing, its trial and error, both of us will make mistakes, that's fine. I know you wont judge me if I do something wrong and I wont judge you."

After a pause Charlie reached out to hold nicks hand. "I didn't realise how much pressure I put on you for this part of our relationship."

"Its ok, I know this is harder for you."

"But its still scary for you, don't minimise your anxiety for me, its just as valid as mine."

Nick smiled. "Thanks char, I think that's all I needed to hear." They kissed again then started arranging themselves. But all of a sudden they started giggling, dissipating the stress. 

After a good laugh they eagerly got started.