Two Of A Kind || Lee Heeseung

38 ¦ Shatter Me

I didn't dare leave the restroom until the bell rang again for class and I was sure I wouldn't run into anyone else in the hallway. As I looked at myself in the mirror I wondered what was wrong with me, it rarely happened that I lost my composure like that.

I didn't want to snap at my friends just because I was in a bad mood, especially when they just wanted to help me. It wasn't fair of me to treat them like that and I knew it. I hated that I was acting like this. I had brought myself into this situation and I had to try to get out of it on my own.

"You're going to go out there and sort this out." I whispered, squinting my eyes as I went through what I had to do step by step. Since I had a thing for lists and I felt like it would calm me down a bit, I dug my college notebook and a pen out of my bag and started writing.

1. figure out if this is serious between Jay and I.

2. make up with Jay that I have to keep the fake relationship with Heeseung until the end of the agreed month

3. talk to Heeseung and make him understand how things are between me and Jay

4. put an end to the rumor that I am having an affair with Jay

I folded up the list and put it in my pants pocket, then took one more searching look in the mirror before leaving the girls' restroom. Contrary to my expectations that I wouldn't run into anyone else, someone was leaning against the wall opposite.

I wanted to let my hair fall in front of my face like a curtain and leave, but the person held me back by my wrist. I tilted my head back to see who was holding me back and of course it was none other than Heeseung, making me forget my plan already.

I tried to pull my hand out of his grip, but he pulled me back and then pushed me against the wall. Snorting, I tried to free myself, but Heeseung held my hands so ironclad against the wall that I could hardly move.

While I tried to avoid his gaze, Heeseung leaned down a little to get on eye level with me. "What do you want?" I hissed somewhat irritably, acknowledging a disapproving snarl from him in return.

"Hey, don't be prickly. I was just checking up on you." He was still trying to catch my gaze. He was silent for a moment, then I felt his concerned gaze on me. "Are you okay?" I fell silent, again feeling like I was going to burst into tears. God what is wrong with me?

I felt Heeseung release one of my hands and then put it to my chin. More gently than I would have expected from him, he lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. His dark eyes bored into mine and suddenly I had an uncontrollable urge to tell him everything that was on my mind, but I held back.

"I assume you already know what's going on anyway." I replied instead, a little resignedly. Heeseung hesitated and a strange tug played around his mouth that I didn't quite understand. "I've heard something about it, but honestly I can't imagine how it relates to your emotional state."

He tilted his head and then something new flickered in his gaze, something I didn't know yet that seemed almost wild. "Unless-", he narrowed his eyes and his grip on my wrist tightened. "Did he make you do something? Or hurt you?"

His voice seemed deeper and a slight rumble tinged it. I shook my head. His mood seemed almost threatening and a little unsettled, I moved my hand under his to signal that he was hurting me.

Immediately he let go of me, automatically taking a step back. "Sorry." He mumbled and looked down at his hands, from one second to the next, he seemed normal again. "So? If it's not Jay, what is it?" he asked.

"I don't know" I answered truthfully, sliding to the floor against the wall in exhaustion. "Probably I'm just overtired and stressed." Heeseung came over to me and to my surprise sat down next to me on the floor.

There was silence for a while, then Heeseung cleared his throat. "Why did you kiss Jay?", he asked, and the question caught me completely off guard. I looked at him and raised my shoulders "I don't know, I guess I just like him.", I frowned, "You knew I liked him, why does that surprise you?"

"I don't know either. Things like that don't usually happen this fast with Jay. I was just wondering." He broke eye contact and looked to the wall. I hesitated before asking my next question. "Is that a problem?"

He laughed. "For me? Why?" I felt myself blush and something strange settled in my stomach. "I don't know, just a question. I don't want this to become a problem between us." He looked back at me and en crooked smile was on his lips, but it wasn't that amused smile that always appeared on his face when he made a little fun of me (which was then in an 'affectionate' way), but that cold, calculating and condescending smile.

He got up from the floor gracefully and looked down at me almost mockingly. "Us?", he asked coldly, "There is no us. The only thing that unites us is the deal we have. I've fulfilled my part and as long as you fulfill yours all is well between us."

I stared at him, suddenly feeling inferior. Again, tears made their way out, but I held them back. Something must have been wrong with my hormonal balance...

I also picked myself up so I wouldn't be quite so subservient to him. Heeseung's expression was expressionless. "However, it's quite awkward if you're making out with someone else at school while everyone else thinks we're a couple. So it would be good if you could wait until the end of the month to make things official with Jay."

I looked at him, confused and a little hurt. What had happened? What had I said that he was suddenly so condescending and dismissive again? I opened my mouth to say something, but he beat me to it.

"After school at my car. If you're late, I'll leave without you." He turned and left me alone in the hallway. I felt shattered, like someone had punched me.

Without moving, I looked after Heeseung, not knowing what to feel or think. Something inside me urged me to run after him and find out what was wrong, but I stopped and thought about this new feeling that was slowly making its way into my chest.

A:/N: well well well... what feeling?