To Leave And To Let Go

The Villain In Their eyes

Back when I was a kid I've always thought that I am the main character. The star of the show that basks upon the starlight. Kase simula bata pa lang ako I always get what I want and all the people around me loves me.

Kaya nga siguro ang narcissist ko hahahahaha pero habang tumatanda ako nakita ko na Mali pala ako. Mali yung nasa isip ko.

It's because I saw the world in a golden rimmed glasses when I was a kid. I was so naive that I couldn't differentiate love from indifference and hate.

And now I'm realizing it too late.

"Hindi mo ba nakikita sarili mo?? Hindi ko aakalain nagawa mo ung mga bagay nayon! Nakakahiya ka! " I blinked my eyes and I stared at the ceiling. That's right.. I am not the main character I could never be. I'm the villain in this story.. The shadow of the main character; my cousin Levine.

Levine have always been "perfect". She was so graceful, "kind" and gorgeous. While I who was blinded by the world in front of my eyes was just pretty and smart with a hateful personality.

I've always thought that between the two of us I was the one that was loved more. The favorite of all. But that all changed when I was at grade 7 when I finally saw it. Those indifferent gaze. The word their saying that I couldn't comprehend. I finally realized that the people around me isn't here for me they're here for my so called perfect cousin.. The oh so lovely Levine..

SLAP!

Fuck that hurts!

"Aunty! Please stop! I'm sure she didn't mean what happened.. Her judgement was probably just clouded by her emotions. That's why she did that. So please calm down.." A girl with slick black hair that reach her hips, bunny like eyes, pale pink lips rushed forward and defended me from my mother.

"Oh Levine.. How could you even defend this treacherous leech after all she did behind your back. I'm ashamed to even call her my daughter!"

"Ginawa... Ano bang ginawa kong mali ma, ni mas pipiliin mo pa maniwala jan sa sabi ng ibang tao kesa dito sakin! Sakin na anak mo!! Ni Hindi nga kayo nakikinig sa paliwanag ko! Mama naman eh! Inosente ako! Kahit na jealous pa ko sa Pinsan ko Hindi ako ganon kasamang tao para gawin tong mga sinasabi ni yo!" Saad ko habang pinipigilang tumulo ang mga luhang nag aadyang bumagsak.

"AYAN, AYAN MISMO OH! sinabi mo na Audrey! Jealous! Naiingit ka sa Pinsan mo! Hindi pabayan sapat na ebidensya?!!"

I couldn't help but scoff at her words defending my cousin and accusing me without even investigating what happened. I couldn't even celebrate my moving up ceremony as a grade 9 student due to the fact that as soon as we got home I was bombarded with this shit. But most of all I couldn't believe that she just rather listen to some random student telling her that I was ordering my so called "lackeys" secretly to bully Levine.

I'm not even speechless at this point. I don't even want to defend myself anymore. I'm just so tired of getting accused of things I didn't even do. Heck I didn't even know that Levine gets bullied at school.

"That's it! Pack your bags audrey! You are moving to San Isidro and you can't come back until college!"

"MOM! That is just uncalled for! can you even hear yourself mother? You goddamn woman who gave birth to me don't even give a shit and don't even dare to investigate what truly happened before accusing me of something I didn't even do! now your what? Pushing me away to live at some far away place for 3 years! You listen to my cousin but never to me! Just admit it mother! I'm not even your goddamn daughter at this point!"

"Do not talk to me like that Audrey! I am your mother. The one who put you into this world and I can take you out!"

I bowed my head in shame. Ashamed to myself that "that woman" gave birth to me. It was uncalled for. She doesn't even know what I go through every day with Levine by my side. Well it's not as if I told her she would believe me. She'll just think that I'm making it up. Whatever happened tho wasn't my fault but she just keep pushing the blame towards me. And now the tears that I was desperately holding back started falling but I don't want her to see that I was this affected so I continued bowing and murmured

"Why couldn't it just be you instead of dad..."

"YOU YOUNG LADY DO NOT TALK TO ME-"

"Aunty!" And finally the main character of the story chimed in and calmed my mother down as I rushed towards my room. Locking it and packing my bags away. Itching to get out of this hellhole as fast as possible.

I didn't even bother to change my clothes anymore and left my room soon as I was done packing. And there I saw her, Levine standing in front of my door. With those frighteningly obsessed eyes. Staring at me as if wanting to swallow me whole.

"Levine.. " I muttered under my breath struggling to look straight into her eyes. She moved towards me and held my face close to her. I didn't bother avoiding her knowing that she'll just do something worse if I did.

"Oh my sweet.. sweet Audrey. Ah! How I love you so much! Worry not though my dearest 3 years isn't that long. I'll wait for you to come back all alone." She wickedly whispered and trailed kisses at my neck.

I felt so disgusted but I didn't do anything because it would wind up getting worse instead if I tried to do something. Trust me I've tried it and it ended up badly so I stood there like a statue letting her do whatever she wanted as always till she had her fill.

Of course my perfect cousin that everyone loves isn't perfect. She's sick. Sick in the head. I found out when I was at 7th grade that she was obsessed with me and ever since then she begun distancing me to everyone. Making me feel so alone. This is why I called her the main character. Because the main characters in my point of view always have dark sides but it's overshadowed because the face they let everyone see and know is a mask full of kindness that hides the wickedness in their hearts.

While I was a villain because one day when I finally had enough I might end up killing her. But I would probably end up failing.

And that would be nothing but tragic. So I plan to treasure. Treasure the freedom given to me even if it has a time limit. Because I can't fathom what she might do to me... And if she could even last 3 years without me by her side.

This obsessive freak.

"Stop it levine! I'm leaving!"

Running down the stairs carrying my back pack I stole a glance at my so called mother and left towards the car giving my belongings to my yaya and shutting the door shut as the driver greeted me and started driving towards our destination. The family house at San Isidro. I was finally free. Filled with gratitude I dropped my mask smiled and left with a peace of mind away from all the drama wishing that Levine would just die.