Portraits of our dreams (Hashirama x Madara)

10. Instinct to kill (Hashirama)

"Madara", I said, blushing. "To take the photos, I need you to undress. If you'd rather go to the police-"

"No!" he said immediately. "No", he added, more softly this time and started to undress. "I'd rather you do it. I don't want to leave. I feel safe here." 

It made my heart melt that he felt safe in my home already. 

There was nothing erotic about his undressing. Madara kept his eyes resolutely down-cast, and I frowned as I saw the bruises on his arms and legs.

"God, love..." I couldn't help but say as I saw his state.

I heard he stopped breathing by my use of that word for him.

He straightened up, and after having asked for permission, I took some full-body photos as well as some close-ups. I looked down on the pictures I had taken, making certain the lightning was good. Not good as in beautiful, but good as in able to display the extent of the injuries to the police. I just couldn't understand it that someone could have it in them to hurt this creature. Madara, who breathed innocence and fragility and kindness. How could one raise their fist to bring him harm? I tried to think about what I was doing in an objective way, like a job, but of course I couldn't, I... 

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my cheek, and I looked up.

"You're crying", Madara said. 

I was. My face wasn't contorted, however, a strange feeling when you felt as much as I did in that moment. 

"I'm sorry", I said.

But Madara wasn't listening. He was looking over my shoulder. I turned, and realised what it was. A mirror... Madara was looking at his mirror image.

"It's gotten worse", he whispered. "It's gotten worse since I left him."

And he burst out crying once more.

I didn't come to hold him. Instead I took his hand and led him to my bed, and with a motion of my hand I asked him to lay down among the sheets, that were a crisp white with bluebells that I knew would look lovely with his creamy skin. .

"Hashirama, what are you doing?"

"Shhh", I hushed him.

And I snapped a picture.

"Oh", Madara said as he understood.

I didn't guide him this time. He did everything himself, like a professional. He lay down with his cheek leaning on his hands. He lay on his back, closing his eyes, his arms over his head. He sat up on his knees. Pose after pose, I took picture after picture. It wasn't a photo shoot for the police anymore. It was a bedroom photo shoot for us. For him and for me.

Madara didn't smile. Not once. But I could see that somehow, this gave him some sense of control back, a sense of ownership over his injuries. 

It was the best photos I had ever taken in my entire life. 

"You are beautiful", I said sternly. "You are so, so beautiful."

And then, Madara grabbed hold of my shirt softly...

And pulled me in towards his lips. 

Our first kiss was endlessly slow and soft, lovelier than anything I could ever dream of. I closed my eyes and put my camera down so I could put my hands on his waist as he threaded his arms around my neck. I wanted to lay down on top of him, but didn't dare in case I would hurt him. Instead, I lay down on my back and pulled him on top of me. 

"Don't worry", I said, suddenly remembering the night before with him. "I won't try to sleep with you."

"Thank you", Madara said, and kissed me again. 

"I will always protect you", I told him.

"I know", he said.

We just kissed, but if that would be the only thing we ever did, I would take it. 

When we were done kissing, or rather, when I heard Madara's stomach was rumbling and realised that I was hungry as well, I picked him up and carried him to my bathroom, which was surprisingly spacious for my little loft. I placed him endlessly carefully on the bathroom rug and started filling the bathtub before I placed him in it as if he were an egg. 

"You don't have to do this..." he whispered.

"Of course I have to do this", I told him sternly. "I won't even try to lie and say I know I don't have to, because I have to. And I do it gladly."

That made him become quiet. 

I realised what the easiest way to help clean him would be, and I resolutely undressed myself, stepped in behind him, and put one leg on either side of his hips. 

The sensation of him in front of me was unfamiliar, but not strange, if that made sense. The touch of another one's skin on me reminded me on last night when another man's skin had been on me, although that time it had not been by choice. I felt panic rise up within me, but then, Madara leaned his head back on my chest, and all my worries melted away instantly.

I washed his hair with my expensive shampoo and massaged it with a hair masque that smelled like milk chocolate, which was probably the gayest thing I owned. I let us soak in the heat for a while before I emptied the bath, and then went on to scrub his body very, very gently, taking extra care at the bruised parts of his skin. I picked him out of the bath and stood him up in front of him so I could dry him. I used the biggest, fluffiest towel I had, and when I was done, I wrapped him up in my own dressing gown and put some creams in his hair.

Then, I did a rougher version of the same thing to myself before I carried him to my couch where I placed him while I ordered take-away. We ate it in silence, and then I made us both a cup of hot tea. Hell, let's make it a whole-ass mug. 

But when I came back, Madara had already fallen asleep. 

I picked him up, carefully so as not to wake him, and I took him to my bed where I tucked him in. I thought the most proper thing to do had been for me to sleep on the couch, but as I turned around, Madara grabbed hold of my sleeve.

"Stay", he said groggily before falling back asleep with a sigh. 

I crept down next to him and put my arms around him, and he nuzzled into my chest in his sleep.  The mugs of tea were forgotten. Instead, I looked at his bruised face, at his swollen lip, at his mashed scalp. And in that mellow moment, I felt an anger deeper than anything I had ever felt before. A feeling a thousand times worse than what I had felt after I had been raped. And that anger was directed at whomever had done this to Madara. 

In that moment, if that person had come out before me, I had undoubtedly been able to kill him.