Portraits of our dreams (Hashirama x Madara)

19. Breathtaking loveliness (Madara)

I noticed Hashirama was insecure about me, and about us.

Not that he doubted he loved me; I could feel very, very clearly that he did. But he was scared I didn't love him. 

At first, I believed he was scared I would leave again. But when I asked him about it, turned out that wasn't the reason at all.

"What if I hurt you, too? What if I destroy you without noticing?"

I put my arms around his waist then and hugged him. I breathed in his scent, so familiar and lovely to me now. 

"You won't", I said.

"How do you know that?" he asked, still worried. 

"Because then, you wouldn't have such a worry. We will probably hurt one another sometimes. But as long as we mean well... He... He didn't mean well."

We never mentioned my ex ever again.

I knew Hashirama believed me, but he still had a hard time taking it in. He was still careful with me emotionally.

Our life went on. I had a contract as the landscape architect, and had even won an award for a hovering greenhouse I had designed for the interior of a children's hospital. Hashirama had a part-time job teaching photography at a fine arts college, so he didn't have to stress too much about his freelance work. Although he wouldn't have needed to, seeing he got more and more popular every month. With the incredible sales of his exhibitions, he didn't really need a part-time job, but he loved teaching, and so he stayed at the college. 

In short, life with Hashirama was amazing, even if it was careful. 

Then spring came, the first spring of our relationship, and I asked him to take me and his camera to the cherry blossom trees again. Just like last year, we went early morning so that nobody would be there.

He took pictures of me in silence. I had my hair up in a ponytail and a simple white shirt for the occasion that would look lovely with the cherry blossoms. The photos, and the scenery of my boyfriend taking my picture, was one of complete serenity, so peaceful you could fall asleep by the breathtaking loveliness of it. But inside of me, my heart was pounding. I was so nervous, I didn't know what to make of myself. 

I cleared my throat.

"Do you... Happen to know another portrait photographer?"

Hashirama looked past his camera at me with a complicated expression on his face.

"Why? You're not satisfied with my job?"

The fact that he could even think that made my heart hurt. 

"That's not what I meant, silly! Now, answer the question!"

He smiled, realising I was mocking him with my sincerity. He had begun to relax a little bit more around me only recently.

"I know a few, why?"

"Any one you particularly fancy?" I asked, and by this point, I was so nervous I was afraid Hashirama would hear that my voice was trembling and realise I was up to something.

"Yes. One in particular. Why?"

"We will need one. For the wedding."

Hashirama knitted his brows.

"What wedding?"

I looked at him dead-pan.

"Ours."

And I dropped to one knee and fished a ring out of my pocket.

Hashirama just stared, still wearing that complicated expression on his lovely face. His camera was still half-way to his face. 

I looked at him encouragingly as his one hand slowly went to his mouth. He crouched down and put the camera on the ground, then seemed unable to rise up. I laughed a little at his reaction. 

Just then, an early morning jogger jogged past.

"He's proposing to you, you idiot!" the jogger screamed. 

"You... You're proposing?" Hashirama asked, apparently still unable to believe it.

"I know you have been afraid. Of me being fragile. I know you wouldn't dare to propose because you're afraid I would feel you would trap me. Which I wouldn't, by the way! So I thought I'd do it instead. Because I want to! God knows I want to be with you, Hashirama. From the moment I saw you in that bar, I knew it was you. It is still you and I cannot imagine a future where it's not you."

"Yes", he said and nodded energetically, his lower lip trembling with emotion. "Yes."

And there it was. The yes I had never given my ex when he had proposed, because I was saving it for someone else. But never in a million years did I believe I would actually live to experience that yes. And never in a million years did I believe I wouldn't be the one to say yes, but the yes would be given to me. By Hashirama. Of course it was him. 

He threw himself at me then and cried and cried and cried. I laughed and cried with him. He hardly let me peel him off me so I could thread the platinum band with the small, raw diamond indented in it around his finger, and when I was done, he clung to me once more. 

We switched roles then. I took his camera, and he quickly showed me the settings. I told him to go pose, and laughed at how uncomfortable he was in the beginning.

"So this is how it feels..." he said in disdain. 

"Shut up and pose, future husband!"

But then, I started to praise him, and as I did, I watched his confidence grow. He became softer and softer in front of the camera, smiling, putting his hair, now shoulder-length, behind his ear, clutching his hands, smelling the flowers, even picking one and putting it behind his ear.

And I imprinted that into my memory; how complimenting someone can lift them to the skies, and I vowed that I would always be Hashirama's biggest supporter, that I would always cheer him on, tell him how good he is, just as he always did for me. 

"You're beautiful", I said. "So beautiful. All photos of you are lovely."

He laughed in the morning glow.

"Let me see the photos!" he demanded.

"You told me you're not really supposed to let the model see the photos!" I complained.

"But I, as the rightful owner of the camera, am different!" he said snobbishly and took the camera out of my hand. "These..."

"What?" I asked, trying to see over his shoulder.

And when I saw the photos, my heart sank. They were all blurry, either because the focus point was off or because I had moved the camera when taking the picture.

Me and Hashirama looked at one another...

Then, both of us burst out laughing.

"You're such a dad!" Hashirama said and put an arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Shut up!"

"Only if you kiss me."

"Oh. In that case, no thanks. Keep talking."

Me and my fiancé laughed all the way home, making people look at us as if we were crazy, surrounded by the enchanting scent of cherry blossoms. 

And we went home where we would create even more portraits of our dreams, both with and without camera.