Poisonberry's Vengence

Nightmares

Hopepaw. Base by Louixie.

The dark shadows under Gentlebreeze's eyes, like drops of grief-dulled honey, made them seem to glow brighter as she took one last look at her daughter and padded quietly out of the Medicine den. "Try to get some sleep, okay? Frostedmoss will be along soon to check on you." Hopepaw didn't acknowledge her mother's words. She didn't have the energy to. Didn't want to. Couldn't. 

In the three days since Screechpaw had been killed and she'd been injured, she'd been plagued by nightmares. Fabrications where it had been Screechpaw who was digging to reach Hopepaw, buried deep in the snow as she slowly suffocated. Dreams where, no matter how long or hard she dug, she could never reach him. At least once a night, she woke up screaming. 

And then, there was her injured tail. It throbbed constantly, but as long as she didn't move it too much, the sharp, shooting pain didn't show. It had turned out to be completely snapped-though in three places and likely cracked in many more. But today, she felt terrible all over. She felt like she'd fallen asleep in a direct beam of sunlight but in a bad way. The heat felt heavy and sickly. Fever... It's probably infected. 

Now, her eyes felt sore and heavy, but she didn't dare sleep. I don't want to see anything horrible happen to Screechpaw anymore. I've seen enough. I just want to rest. But just as she'd closed her eyes, she heard soft paw steps at the mouth of the Medicine den. It was Frostedmoss, back from gathering herbs or doing other chores. "Hello, Hopepaw. How are you this morning?" She opened one bloodshot eye and gazed forlornly at the Medicine cat. It was obvious he too was grieving, judging by the drag in his step, and the way his eyes didn't shine with their usual enthusiasm. 

He bent down beside her nest and began to unwrap the bindings and herbs from around her broken tail. She took a look at his face, and concern was written all over it. He pulled out some herbs from a wrap and pushed them toward the grief-stricken, injured apprentice. "Eat these. We need to bring down that fever." She simply looked at the leaves, not making a move toward them. She closed her eyes again. "Hopepaw, please. I know, it hurts. I know, you miss Screechpaw. I do too. I miss him more than anything. But trust me, it will be less painful over time. Screechpaw's memory, and your tail. But you can't heal, physically or mentally, if you don't try." 

Frostedmoss's eyes glistened with unspilt tears, as he waited for her to speak, or eat the herbs. When she finally did, Frostedmoss looked horrified. "What if I don't want to get better?" She croaked. It was the first time she'd spoken in almost two days, and her voice crackled and broke. "Of course, you want to get better." He insisted, pushing the herbs closer to her muzzle. "Just eat the herbs, and I'll leave you be. Alright?" Finally, she caved and licked the herbs up, hardly wincing at their bitter juices. "Thank you. Try to sleep, and I'll be back in the evening." 

Hopepaw allowed her head to rest heavily on the side of her nest and let out a tired sigh. I might as well try to sleep, she thought hazily as her eyes fluttered closed. Soon enough, she felt the fog of sleep wash over her and she drifted off into a reluctant slumber.

As soon as Hopepaw opened her eyes, she recognized the disorienting, disconnected feeling of a dream. That, or a nightmare. Her chest tightened with panic, and her breaths came fast and ragged as she desperately tried to snap herself out of the fantom reality. She felt rooted to the ground, paralyzed on her paws. Voices began to reverberate through the foggy white mist around her, and, with horror, she realized that she could hear Screechpaw. "Hopepaw, help me!"

"Hopepaw, save me!"

"It's crushing me..."

"It hurts! Oh, it hurts..." 

As the voices grew louder all around the terrified apprentice, she pinned her ears back on her head and shut her eyes tight. Stop... She pleaded silently. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. Screechpaw, please-" Hyperventilating for air as the voices seemed to fill her lungs, her throat her very soul, as she crumpled to whatever ground was below her, suddenly able to move. The voices bored into her mind, and she blacked out, back into reality. 

With a gasp, she awoke to her mother's concerned face staring down at her. "You were having another nightmare, love. Calm down. It was all just a dream." 

"But I could hear him- He was calling out to me, he said..." She broke off, hot tears stinging her eyes. "It's okay," Gentlebreeze whispered, gently curling around Hopepaw as she lay, shuddering in her nest. Hopepaw buried her face in her mother's soft fur, letting her familiar scent calm her as tears coursed down her cheeks. "It'll all be okay."

                                                                              ~❆~

Hopepaw burned with fever as she lay, panting in her nest. Frostedmoss mixed anti-inflammatory herbs, fever treatments, and almost anything else he could think of for the last five days, but the remedies seemed to be failing. For what seemed like the thousandth time that day, Frostedmoss lifted Hopepaw's tail in a careful gray-and-white paw and set it back down with a sigh of defeat. 

"Hopepaw, there's something I need to discuss with you." He began, and Hopepaw fixed her fever-blurred gaze on the senior medicine cat. "Your tail is... Getting to the point where it is starting to die off." Fear stabbed through Hopepaw. "Does that mean I'm going to die?" 

"No, no. But, if we don't do something about it, you might." He meowed gently. "I think I'm going to have to amputate your tail." Hopepaw stared at him, dumbfounded. "You want to... Take my tail off?" 

"Yes. It's relatively safe. I'll give you poppy seeds, and you'll sleep through the whole thing. Besides, with the dying of a limb, comes the dying of nerves. That's why you can't feel it well past a certain point. Wolfwhisper had to have one of his toes amputated after it was so badly frostbitten that it turned black, and Elkantler had multiple toes taken way too; it's for the best."

"Isn't there anything else you can do?" She asked fervently. I don't want to lose my tail! "We've tried everything." He explained. "As I said, if your tail isn't taken off, the fever and infection will get worse, and then you'll really be in trouble." He went silent, waiting for Hopepaw's consent to remove the dying limb. Hopepaw felt sick to her stomach, and her head spun. The combination of the fever and the conflicting decision was almost too much.

"...Okay." 

Fun Fact: Bluepaw is grieving for Screechpaw too, but he doesn't express it like Hopepaw does, and he doesn't feel the loss as strongly.