Memento Mori

Chapter Ten

I'm sad to say that there are many unpleasant people in the world. As I write this, a few names spring to mind - an old writer who wants to get me arrested, a man who attempted to tear up my only copy of Chapter Four before my editor could find it, a woman who is a lifelong enemy of mine. The list goes on and on. And as you read this, I'm sure a few names come to your mind, too. Naturally, I can't read your mind, but if you have read The Austere Academy (the original, incorrect version of Violet, Klaus, Sunny, Isadora, and Duncan's lives at Prufrock) by Lemony Snicket, a particular girl may come to your mind.

Unfortunately, one of the things that Lemony Snicket did not tweak was the personality of an obnoxious young girl named Carmelita Spats.

Carmelita was, as you may know, not a nice girl at all. I have spent ages researching her, and whilst I chose to do this, I kept wishing desperately that I could stop. Perhaps if Mr. Snicket could have done his research properly, and then I wouldn't have had to.

Anyway, enough about Mr. Snicket and I, and more about Carmelita, something I never thought I'd say or write. Carmelita Spats, I suppose, could be resembled to a lemon, for lack of a better thing to compare her to. She is sour like a lemon, and her face looks like she just took a bite of a particularly sour one. Of course, lemons are not meant to be eaten, but it is the kind of silly thing that Carmelita would do anyway. Lemons may look bright and sweet, and were alright if you only had a little bit of one. However, once you take a full bite, you will realise just how bad they are.

This is pretty much a perfect description of Carmelita. She was brightly coloured, always wearing a pink dress instead of the school uniform, and her hair was done in ginger curls. She could be considered pretty - I most certainly would not consider her to be that, but some people do - with a sweet smile and wide eyes. She is fine if you only know her a little bit, but once she talks to you, you will know just how cruel she is.

So unfortunately for the Quagmires, as they stepped into the school once they had said goodbye to Mr. Poe, they were met by none other than this lemon.

Her eyes widened in excitement and a big smile formed on her face. "Are you cakesniffers?" she asked rapidly.

"I'm sorry, I-I don't know what a cakesniffer is." Duncan responded politely, already overwhelmed.

"'Cakesniffer'," explained the girl. "means you are cakesniffing siblings. What I say is that if you don't know what it means, you probably are one."

She let out an infuriating little giggle and the Quagmires had to bite their bottom lips to stop themselves shouting at her. Isadora's face went slightly red with anger as she spoke in a tight voice.

"Well," she said. "I am Isadora Quagmire, this is my brother Duncan. We are triplets."

"I couldn't care less about you being triplets." Carmelita spat indignantly.

"So you're not confused?" asked Duncan, furrowing his brow.

"Confused about what?" asked Carmelita, leaning in close to the triplets' faces.

"When Isadora said we were triplets, you didn't comment. I would expect you to ask why there were only two of us." explained Duncan carefully.

I am satisfied to say that Carmelita blushed as she realised the meaning of the word 'triplet'. "Yes, well, I-" she spat on the ground again. "Only cakesniffers talk about their private family! But only special people ask about other's family. What happened to your brother?" She did not say this kindly.

"He died in a fire." Isadora said quietly, taking Duncan's hand.

"Quigley Quagmire. That was his name." Duncan added. "Our parents... they're gone too."

Carmelita smirked. "So you're orphans?"

"Yes." said Duncan.

"Cakesniffing orphans?"

"Probably not." replied Isadora, uncertainty in her voice.

Carmelita grinned triumphantly and shoved the triplets backwards so that they stumbled and managed to regain their balance before they fell.

"Cakesniffing orphans at Prufrock Prep! Cakesniffing orphans at Prufrock Prep!" sang Carmelita. Soon, a bunch of girls and boys were surrounding Duncan and Isadora, chanting.

"Why aren't you in your dorm?" asked Duncan. The group burst out laughing.

A girl with sandy coloured hair that went just past her shoulders and clear brown eyes spoke up. "Carmelita, should we tell the twins about the Or-"

"Shush, Freya!" exclaimed Carmelita, giving Freya a nudge that was slightly harder than was polite. "Let that be a surprise."

A small, pale boy with pitch black hair and dark brown eyes put his fingers to his lips and the group went silent. They could hear some pleasant humming nearby.

"Ooh, is that Elouise?" asked the boy, excited. "Do we get to be mean to her again?"

"Shush!" shouted Carmelita. "Yes, it is her. Go! Go!"

The group squealed happily, evidently delighted to be given an order by Carmelita, and scuttled off.

"I'm the most special girl in the school." Carmelita boasted. "They all look up to me. I bet they would all give a fortune to follow an order given by me."

"Um, okay." said Isadora. She and her brother both shuddered at the word 'fortune'.

Carmelita stepped behind them and shoved them. "Come on! I'll take you to Vice Princey."