The Highs and Lows of Being a Lioness

Part 7 - she's better off without me

a/n - for context this is after the first night they stayed in bed together when Ame talked about her parents and Leah originally apologised to her. 

Leah's POV:

When i woke up in the morning i was in the best mood i had been in for a while. I looked over to see Ame fast asleep next to me. She looked so cute all wrapped up in the duvet. I watched her sleep for a bit but as time went on i started to feel worse and worse about the whole situation. She looked so peaceful right now and that is something I can safely say i have never made her feel. I know that we made up last night and i apologised for being a dick but i cant help but feel like it wasn't enough. I have never been nice to her before and for her to forgive me so easily and open up to me, i don't think i deserve that. I tried to drown out the voices in my head telling me that i'm not good enough but i just cant let it go. 

I decided it was best if i got up and left the room before she wakes up because she is clearly better off without me. Once i was ready i went to leave but my body wouldn't move. I was just stuck still, watching her sleep. I don't know what came over me but i felt the urge to go over to check on her. Why am i worried about her she told me she was fine? After satisfying the voices in my head, without even thinking i kissed her on her forehead. It was just reflex but I surprised myself with that one. I saw her start to move around as if she was going to wake up so i quickly slipped out of the room and reminded myself why i had to ignore her today. 

I have no idea where to go it's so fucking early in the morning but i know i can't stay in that room so i decide to just start walking. I end up outside and watch the sunrise from one of the pitches. I tried to put Ame out of my mind, but nothing's working. I don't understand why i'm so fixated on her all of a sudden. I had no problem being a dick to her yesterday why is today any different. I returned inside to go and get breakfast now that it was a slightly more appropriate time but as I approached the room I saw Ame already there. I don't think I can face her this early with so little people around, it would be too difficult to ignore her so I decide to skip breakfast and head back to the room to grab things i need for training later. 

After about 20 minutes I decided I would join some of the other girls who were going to the gym to stretch before training. As I walk in I accidentally make direct eye contact with Ame. Fuck. She gives me a soft smile. I want to return it so badly but i know that i am making the right decision by ignoring her so i just turn away and ignore the interaction, getting as far away as physically possible from her. 

The day went painfully slow. Training was okay but i could've done better if i wasn't so distracted by the Ame situation. I tried avoiding her all day until i physically couldn't. She ran out of the relaxation room giggling and bumped straight into me. What are the fucking chances of that, it's like the world is out to get me today. I try to brush off the interaction and get out of there as quickly as possible but i hear her calling after me. I picked up the pace a bit hoping that she would give up, but she doesn't. As much as i wanted to fully ignore her and walk off something in me just wouldn't let me, incase i cause her more pain. That is the last thing i want to do. 

I gave her very brief replies until i saw my chance to get out of there and took it cutting her off mid sentence and walking off. I spent the rest of the evening avoiding her until i couldn't anymore as it was time to go to bed. 

Thankfully when i returned to the room Ame wasn't back and i was hoping i could get ready quickly and get into bed before she returned so that i could just pretend i was asleep, but i heard the door to our room open while i was still in the bathroom. Fuck well that plan is out the window. I finish getting ready but just kind of stand in the bathroom preparing myself to brush off any conversation she might try to make and just get into bed as quickly as possible. When i leave the room though she doesn't say anything. She seems really focused on whatever she is writing. This is the second night in a row that she has sat down before bed to write something.