Purple Velvet: Diaries of a Rainbow Teen

4.

Saturday June 17th 1995
Its me Tori again. When I got home from the park I was upset. Why hadn't we gone to the restaurant? Mom said I'd had a seizure which made me cry. Normally I can feel them coming on. Its a strange feeling like you are under water and everything feels dim and quiet inside. then I get a headache and feel scared. I have several kinds. Mom said I had what is called a big  seizure. Sometimes they sneak up on me but most of the time I can feel them. Then I have a kind where I will just pick at my clothes and walk around in a circle and mutter. I am not aware of those. then I have a kind where I start shaking and feeling sick. I am aware through those so mom often talks to me through those.
When we'd gotten home mom had me eat a bowl of apple sauce. Sometimes I throw up after a seizure so apple sauce and lime jello are about the only things I can eat. Then I went straight to bed.
I must have had another seizure in the night because I woke up completely tired. I'd wet the bed and my tongue was sore. Mom helped me shower and then I went back to bed. I just woke up long enough to take my afternoon meds before going back to bed. Its almost dinner now. Tomorrow is church and so mom and dad will be going.
I'll stay at home with my weekend caregiver Beth. She's nice and helps me to forget things when I am upset. Beth's husband has horses and she takes me to their farm and I spend most of the day riding horses.
When I'm on a horse everything feels so good. I hardly ever have seizures and my need to feel things and touch things goes away because I'm there in the zone as Beth calls it. When mom and dad saw this for themselves they said for my fourteenth birthday that they might get me a horse.
I hope they do because I love horses. Beth lets me ride a pal-amino mare. She's beautiful. I don't see very well but I know she has a white tail and mane and golden hair on the rest of her body.
I feel so good on a horse and it makes me feel like I'm flying. I can't run unless I am holding on to the rail that goes around our track at school. But the Pal-amino knows the trails and we go along those fast. Beth or her husband Mark walk or run beside me in case she goes astray of the trails. But she never does. Its like we have a bond of some kind.
When mom and dad get back from church we have to pack me up because I'm going to school for enrichment camp. We write songs, tell stories, act in plays, swim and generally have a good time. Jessie and Alex will both be there so I'm excited about that. I have to go, mom's calling me for dinner.
Sunday June 18th 1995.
Last night for dinner we had one of my favourites eggplant Parmesan with Caesar salad and garlic bread. For dessert we had vanilla bean ice cream and chocolate cake, my favourite kind of dessert.
We jus got back from the farm. Around the time when dad and mom were dressing for church Beth came and I spent all morning riding Star. That's the horse's name. I fed her some apples and then we took off for the trails. when I got back I took a shower. I always do. Its a ritual I have every time. First I get on my special uniform for riding, a pair of blue jeans and some tall cowboy boots and my helmet. Then we drive to the farm and i say hello to Beth's husband mark and their twin boys Andy and Frank and their daughter who's about my age. Her name is Stephanie. Then I feed Star the apple's and sugar Beth always puts in my shirt pocket. Its always the same one, a jean shirt with a pocket on the chest. She always stuffs sugar cubes in there and hands me apples and carrots.
Then I put the saddle on Star and we ride for a long time. when I get back I always groom her and then I go home to shower. It feels good to shower after a ride. I don't smell like a horse, I don't mind smelling like one, but the hot water feels good after the long ride.
Now mom is putting outfits into my suitcase along with my tooth brush and all that stuff. She also puts extra changes in for me along with some diapers in case I need them. I mostly can go the bathroom but on long trips or if I don't feel well I put one on just in case.
Teachers at the school think I shouldn't have to wear them at all. They say I'm thirteen and shouldn't have to at all. But I can't help it if I have accidents.
Mom is saying I need to put the journal into my backpack. I also take one to school. It has my notebook for writing, my water bottle and my stuffed owl I sleep with every night. Some of the kids think its babyish  for me to still play with barbies and have a stuffed owl. But I don't care. Or I tell myself I don't but I sometimes do care. I have to go now. So bye.