Nafs

Chapter 17

Zarak's point of view

I had come back to my apartment in the morning. We had been practicing all night. I felt drained. The show was just a week away now, and I was beginning to feel nervous about it. The band was great. The music was great. Everything was perfect, and deep inside I kind of did have a great feeling about it. Very influential people were invited by the University for the Show, and if I win this, I might not have all the problems that singers face while trying to build their careers. I might have a chance at a great career, big opportunities. I had to win this at any cost.

I couldn't remember when I had eaten last. I made myself a sandwich and stood by the window to eat it. It was cloudy outside, and the leaves were swaying lightly in the breeze. It felt good to notice something like that after a long time, to have a quiet moment with myself. My phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Ameerah, "I was thinking about us."

I smiled lightly. I called her, and she picked up instantly.

Ameerah: Assalam u alaikum.

Me: Hi! So what were you thinking?

Ameerah: What are you doing right now?

Me: I just came back from practice, was about to sleep for a few hours before going back again.

Ameerah: Hmm.

Me: Where are your words today?

She laughed, and then hesitated for a few moments before saying, "Can I come over for just like half an hour? Then you can sleep after that."

Me: Sure, come on. I am waiting.

Ameerah: I was actually going home, so I'll be there in just five minutes. Bye.

Me: Bye.

I cleared my room a little. There were shirts scattered everywhere. I had just been so busy lately. I washed the dishes in the kitchen, and as I was drying my hands on the towel, the bell rang. I opened the door and she entered. She looked tired and stressed, which I figured was because of the issues with her dad, but still smiled happily at me. I smiled back at her and sat on the bed, patting the space next to me. She sat on the chair opposite to the bed. The conversation between us went the following way.

Ameerah: So, how have you been? Real busy and tired, huh?

Me: Yes I have, but forget about me. Tell me, what have you been doing?

Ameerah: Seems like ages since we had a proper talk right?

Me: Yeah I know. But you know I have been so busy. It's just this show. Just one more week left and then we can have a lot of time together, just you and me. Okay?

Ameerah looked down at her hands on her lap. She was playing with them nervously.

Ameerah: Zarak, I was thinking maybe after the show I should tell my parents about us. I have kept this a secret for a very long time now.

Me: Is there something bothering you?

Ameerah: No, it's nothing like that. I just want them to know about us now, that's all.

Me: Umm, okay. But after that, what?

Ameerah: They would want something official between us. I mean they would want to know that you are not just passing time with me. They would want assurance and would want to talk to your parents. It's a good thing that they already know about us.

Me: What do you mean by official?

Ameerah: I don't know yet Zarak. I will talk to mom first, and then involve dad later. She would want to be sure about you. She might be having trust issues lately with all the fuss that dad has created.

Me: Ameerah, what do you want me to do?

Ameerah looked at me for a few seconds and after a long pause and a sigh, added "I just want you to know that my parents will talk to you about marriage and stuff."

Me: What are you talking about?

I said it a little too quickly.

Ameerah: What do you mean?

Now, she said it a little too quickly.

Me: Ameerah, you do realize that I have this big show which is very important to me in a week, right?

Ameerah: I know Zarak, but I was just thinking about us, and I was thinking maybe we should take it a little more seriously and think about our future together.

Me: And you think I don't take our relationship seriously?

Ameerah: No. You know I didn't mean that Zarak.

Me: Ameerah please. You know this is not the time to be having this conversation. I am really stressed about the show, and I need to focus on that right now. You are being really selfish.

Ameerah: How am I being selfish Zarak? I am thinking about the both of us here. Our relationship, our future together.

Me: I know that very well Ameerah. I am thinking about the future too. This show is really important for my future, and..

Ameerah: Your future? Really Zarak? Who is being selfish now?

Me: You know what I meant Ameerah. You are being really childish right now. You need to understand, my future affects our future together too. I need to become somebody to live a good life with you in the future. I need time.

Ameerah: That means you are not even serious about telling my parents.

Me: Look at me Ameerah. I am nothing right now. I have to become someone before asking your parents to marry their daughter to me. So yes, at the moment I am not serious about it.

Ameerah: Zarak, it's my responsibility to convince them about you. I really want to take a step ahead in this relationship. We have been together for almost three years now. I want to tell my parents, get engaged to you, and think about marriage with you. We need to start making plans now Zarak. I don't want to be just your girlfriend anymore, please try to understand.

Me: Ameerah, I really don't get what has gotten into you today. You have never talked to me about this before, and today just a week before my show, when I am so stressed out and exhausted you HAVE to talk to me about this right now. Let me tell you this Ameerah, I am not ready at all to get married at this stage in my life.

I rubbed my eyes with my fingers. My head started to hurt and I was getting sick of this conversation now.  This argument was getting on my nerves. Why was she being like this today? It's not that I didn't want to get married to her. I loved her and our relationship was no joke to me. I just needed a little time to get steady in life.

Ameerah got up angrily from the chair, "Are you even serious about me Zarak. Do you even WANT to get married to me ever?"

I stood up too. "How dare you say that Ameerah? After all that we've been through, you find it that hard to trust me?" My voice got louder now, I was really angry at her words.

"I can't even believe you said that. You think this is a joke to me? You think I am just passing my time with you? I cannot believe you think that low of me Ameerah." She looked down, a tear escaping her eye. I had been too loud, I realized. I wanted to apologize. I felt bad that she was crying because of me. I wanted to wipe that tear off her beautiful face. I sat down on the bed again. My head was bursting and I couldn't even think straight. I took a deep sigh to control my anger and clear my head.
"Ameerah," I said softly.

"Stop. Just don't say anything else. You should rest now," she said, and walked towards the door angrily, slamming it hard on her way out.