When You're In Love with a girl

Chapter 29, The Second Confession: "There's Something You've Got To Know"

The Second Confession: "There's Something You've Got To Know"

Today is Friday. Rehearsal today goes by too fast. Mr. Berswick looks ready to dismiss us. His eyes are dull and he looks frankly worn out. "Can we play it again?" I ask silently in my head.

"We still have 2 minutes before next period," notes Roger, looking at his watch.

"You want to play it again?" says Mr. Berswick. His gaze sweeps over us.

I nod urgently, Arya says yes, Roger nods, and Laras is off in his own world staring off the window.

Arya reaches over and squeezes my hand. I know what her squeeze means. Play with your heart.

"Well! A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four!"

It's the last time before the last time.

My heart beats faster.

Mamaaaaa, just killed a man— I sing the lyrics in my head as I play. Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger NOW HE'S DEAD!

I don't want to cry for my mother, though.

I don't think she would care if I had pulled the trigger against my own head.

*****

The weather is good today, I note as I walk out of the school. We are having a slight break from the gloomy January weather with the appearance of the sun. January is the iciest month; I will welcome any relief from the gloom. I walk home, enjoying the sunshine, even though the air is bitterly cold and my ears are freezing.

I reflect on life in general, not all unsatisfactorily, but then I remember what is looming over me—the terrible rehearsal. If my delight and joy of being life is a sunny yellow balloon, then the upcoming competition is like a long, sharp needle that is flying straight at the balloon. The bright feeling of the afternoon vanishes and is replaced by dread. I text Arya, "can we practice at your house today one last time?"

I watch the animation showing that Arya is typing.

She says:

"Doey - I'm sorry but I can't

I've got something else to do

Love ya."

I frown at the secrecy. Why not tell me? Then a dark feeling creeps in. Is she seeing someone else than me? Maybe she doesn't want to risk her mother detecting something if I visit; that would be fair, I try to reason. Still, it makes me uneasy.

But I text her back,

"Ok well then have fun"

Well, it's not really a crime to have other girls as friends when you have a girlfriend, right? I try to make myself understand.

I walk through the apartment door and get quite the cheering shock. Sam is home! "Sam!" I cry with joy.

"Alie, when have you ever been so excited to see me?" He sounds suspicious.

"When have you spoken without contractions?" I counter.

"The time in the hospital sobered me," he says solemnly. And definitely a touch pompous."I actually read all the books that we need to read for English class, and I've been actually solving the problem sets for math and science class without copying off other people. I have a nurse named Natalee; she's a great help."

Now, that's more like my brother, I think. "You always have your eyes open for girls."

Sam doesn't take the accusation; he just laughs.